Author: Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

A writer most of my life. A retired purchasing manager that has worked in sales, management, food service, pet supplies, manufacturing, and many other areas. A born-again believer in The Lord Jesus Christ who attempts to be more like Him every day. Fiction selections are bylined Chuck and non-fiction bears my given name of Charles. Enjoy what God allows me to create.

I know I need to be in love

February 10, 2023

I was supposed to be a girl. I had two older brothers. My dad wanted a girl. He wanted both of my brothers to be girls. I wore girls’ baby dresses for the first six months of my life. Mom had all these clothes that she never put on my brothers. It was my responsibility to use them.

She taught me to sew, crochet, and cook. This is the reason I have been an advocate of women’s rights and breaking gender barriers. Our daughters had toy cars. They played with boys’ toys. We gave our oldest astronaut Barbie.   I taught her to love science and space and built a spaceship for her doll.

Our youngest daughter worked with me in my shop. She liked the drill press and the saw. She is a handywoman today. Our middle daughter will try anything you tell her that she can’t do. Isn’t this usually a male response?

My first girlfriend was when I was in second grade. I do not remember her name. I dated only one girl through high school. During my sophomore year in college, she announced to me that she did not think we should see each other anymore. I was all right with that. From that point, I dated a few ladies.

I wanted to find someone to love. I just needed to pick the correct one. I accepted a call to the full-time gospel ministry, changed colleges, and met my future wife the following year.

At that time, I did not know as much about love as I do today. I know that love is a verb. It is not an emotion. It is a choice. You decide who you will love and if that love will last. We do not fall in love or out of it. We stop caring about those we once cherished because of several factors. One of these is that we all change.

In marriage, we should be changing together. Growing apart needs to be recognized and avoided. We need to learn to communicate our needs, wants, and love better. The books “Five Love Languages” and “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” are two volumes that discuss the differences in the way we communicate.

Gary Chapman identifies five separate ways of speaking. Not all of these are verbal. Men and women can share these. Some couples accidentally know what the other means because they speak the same dialect.

John Gray separates the miscommunication between men and women into differences in culture. He also believes that once we learn this, we can have meaningful dialogue. Both men are correct as are hundreds of others that have written books or taught marriage seminars.

I knew I needed to be in love. The Carpenters song adds that believing there is someone for me was hard. One of the steps I learned from Karen was that it wasn’t simple and that freedom made it more difficult. I am not perfect, and neither is Cindy.

We married because we wanted to work at loving each other. We still understand that it is for life. That life is not easy. We work at it every day. She has changed. I am not the same man she loved at first. Good intentions were a foundation. That was not where we placed our faith.

I believe that she loves me. I know her love language. I know that as a woman she cannot always understand what I try to say. I say I want to be with her. I prove it by being with her. When I put business ahead of us, she told me about it. She had the patience to let me learn the lessons at my own pace. Sometimes I can be a slow learner.

Our love has grown. It is not what it was forty-seven years ago. We are still together and love each other. Do not stop growing in your relationships. Have the courage to work hard on it.  Do not miss the opportunity to say I love you. And use all five languages when you need to. Happy Valentine’s Day.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

One Dollar a Joke

February 4, 2023

Before I became rich and famous, I noticed that people were paying to see comedians and that I was giving my funny comments and stories away for free. I decided to experiment with making a little extra spending money by charging people when they laughed at something I had said. Upon completing an anecdote and hearing the listeners’ pleasure in their laughter, I simply stated, “That will be a dollar, please.” I have yet to make any money that way.

Some would laugh even harder at this “joke” which was not intended to even be funny. Humor is created by blending the obvious and the absurd. That must be what I did, accidentally. Some of what I believe to be my most hilarious witticisms did not elicit the cackles this faux pas received.

My youngest daughter has always joked about my stories being old and lame. A few years ago, her mother and I were moving her from one location to another while she was a university student. Several of her friends were also helping. I noticed that many of my stories were being shared with her friends, who laughed at them all.

Later I mentioned this to her and was told that I did not know how to tell a joke. They enjoyed the humor because it was the first time, they had heard my original material. I try to use that fresh comedic wit in my writing.

The problem with sharing my funny stuff with you is that I am not making any money from you either. My dollar per joke still seems reasonable. Save up my money until it adds up to a hundred dollars or more. Contact me and I will give you my address and you can send me a check. I need to include more humor so that I won’t die before I’ve racked up the hundred.

Did you expect the end of that one? Did you laugh or at least smile a little? Now you know why the first thing a comedian does is hire writers to create the material they use. I hope you found this entertaining. If so, send your dollar. Thank you for your support.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

It’s not a Groundhog Day

February 1, 2023

Remember the movie “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray? His day just repeats and repeats. In the book, there are many more days in the cycle than we see in the film. He has enough time to learn to play the piano, create ice sculptures, study French, and conquer the Heimlich maneuver.

What would you do if you had unlimited days and knew what would take place every twenty-four hours? I think I would do like Phil does and go insane at first. Once I determined that nothing would change, I would concentrate on one thing at a time. The last scene shows how he has changed during the years he has been stuck.

We all have things that we can improve on. I may not be as self-centered as Phil Connors. I could work on my interpersonal skills. I could learn to play the piano better. I have never carved an ice sculpture or performed the Heimlich Maneuver. I would like to give them a try.

What personal changes do you need to make? Are you a jerk? Are you prideful? Do you hit on women, or men, incessantly? Is your life full of sarcasm and nastiness? Do you need a change?

Let’s look at what we can learn from this spiritual video. Life can be full of the same old stuff, or we can work to change things for the better. It is our turn to be the one that hates everything and everybody, we can run from them, or we can do as our lead character does and begin serving others.

Set a goal. Remember my column from the first of January? Don’t worry if the resolution you made for this year has already fallen by the wayside. Pick it up again and be ready to continue as often as you must.

Life is not the same all the time. Look for ways to help others. Make this a great winter no matter how long it may last.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

I do not like snakes

February 1, 2023

One of my favorite songs by Jim Stafford is “I don’t like Spiders and Snakes.” I know, it is another old song. Today is National Serpent Day. I don’t like snakes as pets. They are fine outside in our yard. I thought I might share some snake stories with you.

We had a part beagle dog that was very unusual. She was an outdoor dog, and her name was Trixey. As I said, she was part beagle. We did not train her as a hunting dog. One day, Cindy, my wife asked me to come and look out into the yard. Our dog was standing, looking at the yard next door. Her gaze was focused on a brush pile.

My wife asked what she was doing. My response was that she was set to point. Those who have seen hunting dogs being put through their paces, know this stance. When a hound senses their prey, they stop, the nose goes out, they raise one front paw, and their tail stiffens to make them an arrow pointing the hunter to where the game is.

This is what Trixey did. After the first time we saw it, we often saw her set to point always at the same neighbor’s yard. Later we saw foxes and other animals over there. She knew what she was doing.

Another interesting habit she had was playing with snakes. She would find them sunning themselves in the yard and pick them up. When a dog picks something up, they use their mouth. This beagle would grab them midsection and shake her head violently. Then she would drop them.

This game continued if the snake started to move after it was dropped. They tried to wait her out. That did not happen. She was into the game. Trixey could lay on the ground and quietly outwait them. She was good. The play ended when the snake did not ever move again.

That was where she left her playmate. My wife was afraid she would be bitten. If that ever happened, we never saw or heard it. One day Cindy was the one we heard. She was carrying the laundry basket and she saw a snake. I gave it a kick and it did not move. That ended the fun for Cindy.

Snakes are important in our world. They have their place. They eat bugs and small animals. This is a good thing when they live in your yard or garden. I was the assistant livestock manager for a pet wholesaler. We supplied pet stores with products. Two big sellers were white mice and baby rats.

We bred these and it was my job to go in and feed everything on the weekends. We called these feeder stock because they were used to feed snakes and other reptiles. It’s the cycle of life. I have also worked with some snakes in my career. Those are different kinds of snakes, and those stories are for another day.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

Prejudice

February 1, 2023

It is easy to define prejudice. Break it apart. Pre means before. Judice is a form of judging. If you judge people before you know them personally, you are prejudiced. We often confuse this with bigotry. Bigotry is like racism where prejudice is due to an easily identified reason.

Prejudice does not have to be related to race or nationality. I have no problems with you if you are of a different color, race, or culture. However, for those of you who do stupid things, I immediately put you in the stupid or dummy category.

The stupid things that I am referring to are the way you drive, the way you treat others, decisions that you make which hurt others, and similar actions that violate my personal ethics. Yes, this is harsh. I admit it. I base whether I trust you on how you think of others.

I am also prejudiced against those who prejudge people but believe that their biases are justified or nonexistent. I have been watching this take place for many years. Those who are bigoted against white Anglo-Saxons accuse every one of them of being racist. An example of this is the statement that African Americans are racial, not racist.

Those who condemn all law enforcement personnel because of those that hurt others without justification are also prejudiced. When you lump all Republicans into one group like Donald Trump you are prejudiced. The same thing is to believe that all Democrats are like the ones that you disagree with like Nancy Pelosi.

Let’s look at what our prejudices are. Any group that you do not trust, or do not like is the one that you are discriminating against. Be man or woman enough to admit that you are not perfect. We must admit that we are like everyone else. We make good and bad choices.

I am not perfect and guess what, you are not either. If you have been accused of being prejudiced, look at the circumstances. Some of the stupid people I have problems with may be affiliated with a minority. Others could interpret their appearance as the reason for my prejudice. Either way, I should get over my prejudice.

I’m working on that. Join me in trying to be a better person. Avoid making hasty decisions about what you think of everyone until you can make an informed decision about who they are. Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. peel off the hide and we are alike.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

CHOCOLATE

January 27, 2023

As the Sunday School teacher for 7th and 8th-grade boys, what they wanted to talk about on any given Sunday and what was in the curriculum supplied by the church was not the same thing.  Do you discuss the topics of concern to these young men or follow a schedule set out by middle-aged men and women six to twelve months ago?  That was always easy for me.

Often the topic of S-E-X would come up.  They were curious.  These were church boys.  Their parents seldom talked to them about the subject unless they were forced to and then they got over it quickly.  As a married father of first one, then two, and finally three children, in their eyes, I was an expert.

Let me pause here and explain what an expert is.  My high school word study teacher was explaining to us students how to determine the meaning of an unfamiliar word.  You break it into smaller portions and determine the meaning of it by combining the meaning of the parts. He said that ex means has been and that a spurt is a big drip under pressure. Therefore, an expert is a big drip under pressure.

I do not claim to be an expert on anything. I would listen to these young men and discuss what was of interest to them. When S.E.X. came up, I would tell them a story about when I was in junior high school and I stole a candy bar. The following day, I returned to the store and bought another snickers. When I gave the clerk enough to pay for two, she told me I gave her too much. That was when I informed her that I had taken one the day before and did not pay for it. She thanked me for correcting my mistake.

What does candy have to do with S.E.X.? I explained that there are correct and incorrect ways to do the same thing. It is not wrong to desire something like chocolate or sex. There is an appropriate method to go about each.

My stealing the candy was wrong. There is no excuse for what I did. God has commanded us to restrict sexual intercourse to one person to whom we are to be married. We may want to bypass that process. We need to accept that Jesus does not approve of this action. Our culture has changed during my lifetime. As a kid, TV shows never showed people who were not married having sex. Today it is accepted.

Movies and TV are promoting an illicit lifestyle by showing unmarried couples living together and having children. I don’t need to get into the reasons why children need a stable home life with two married parents. Everyone knows the tragedy of broken homes.

Back to chocolate. I told my students that they should say to their parents that we discussed chocolate if they asked what we talked about on those Sundays. One father asked me why his son said that we studied chocolate that week. I explained what it meant, and he thanked me for covering that subject with the guys.

In eighteen years, he was the only parent to even ask the question. Young people will only know what is acceptable by their parents or the Church telling them. Many have decided that we are old-fashioned in our position on this. I believe God’s commandments should be obeyed no matter what our culture accepts. I hope you agree with Him.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

Boy Named Sue

January 26, 2023

This morning on the radio there was a discussion about a man who suggested a technique for disciplining children during the period leading up to Christmas. He said to wrap gifts and put them under the tree early. When a child disobeys, take one and throw it into your fireplace.

The conversation turned to how traumatic this would be for the kids. One caller suggested using positive reinforcement instead of discipline. A DJ suggested using the gifts but telling the offending offspring that continued misbehavior would require the gift to be returned to Santa Claus.

Several points need to be considered when raising children. I am reminded of the Johnny Cash song “The Boy Named Sue.” If you know the song, I am sure you disagree with the father’s giving his son a girl’s name to turn him into a man who could defend himself. It is a stupid idea that hopefully no one ever actually did to their child.

Parents are not immune to producing ignorant ideas for teaching kids what they want them to learn. Some of the ideas of child-rearing that I mentioned are what to teach, how to teach, and when to teach.

Both the dad with the Christmas gifts that were fake that he threw into the fire and Johnny Cash’s father in “Boy Named Sue” was trying to make their children into adults who could be counted on in society. Maybe not in the way they wanted them to be.

Discipline is supposed to instruct youngsters in the things that they need to be productive, sensitive, and caring adults. An angry child will grow up to be an adult who is a powder keg. They may blow at any time. The boy named Sue will also be very volatile because he has been teased throughout his life.

Kiddos need to learn how to be adults. They need to have responsibility and independence at appropriate levels at a time when they can grasp the concepts and perform their best.  

My father made some mistakes with us. He probably was trying to raise us the way he was. Like me he was the youngest son and had a younger sister that was spoiled rotten. I know that because the older siblings continued to baby her even when I was old enough to see what they were doing. We tried not to do that to our girls. I hope we were successful. Were we, girls?

Love is the key to growing children as much as light and fertilizer are to growing plants. Just for the fun of it, add a little humor. I know all the comments about Dad jokes. Not all dad jokes are bad. There are also Mom jokes. It is just that no one tells her that hers are not funny.

Be watching for the column on love. I’ll use Paul’s definition to help you understand how to bring a child up knowing what love is and how to show it. That is for another day.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

Pay Attention

January 25, 2023

I often mention to folks that I am so poor I can’t even pay attention. I also like to share with others that the main problems with America are ignorance and apathy, but I don’t know, and I don’t care. Yes, I understand that these are old jokes, and I don’t know how to tell a joke.

I want you to continue reading anyway because I am going to talk about a problem worse than gun violence. It has been a problem longer than Covid-19 and has been like the frog in the pot. You do not know about the frog? You cannot boil a frog as you do pasta. You must put him in the pot first. Add lukewarm water and turn the heat on low. If nothing scares him, he sits there and boils to death.

Yes, we are frogs, and this perpetual problem is not getting any better. Many years ago, I started telling people that we needed to change laws to make this problem more manageable. What kills all these innocent people, and our society does not want to take any steps to try to control it?

The problem is driving while under the influence. When I began complaining about this situation it was mostly drunk drivers. I witnessed an accident involving such a driver. I gave my contact information to the police and the victims. I was at the court for the trial and a plea bargain was made.

What angered me was the fact that it was his third offense of this type. He also did not have a valid driver’s license. The car he was in was not his. A friend had given him permission to drive. Witnesses had to stop him and a passenger from walking or staggering away from the accident. 

What can be done to stop these offenses? On the first arrest, they should be required to spend time in public service. Preferably in a hospital or clinic that serves those injured in automobile accidents. They need to be shown what their actions cause. They should also be obliged to attend therapy sessions. If they complete this, they should be allowed to drive again with a device on the car that prevents it from starting if they are intoxicated.

The second offense should carry more public service and therapy. A longer suspended or revoked period on the driver’s license. Driving without a valid license should include permanent confiscation of the vehicle they are driving. The machine should be sold, and the proceeds used to compensate victims of these types of collisions. If they are not the owners, the police should look for a stolen vehicle report. Anyone who allows a DUI recipient to use their car should be warned that if it happens a second time, they will lose their transportation.

A third offense should require mandatory jail time and permanent exclusion from driving. We must stop being lenient on these offenses. Our legislature should be required to enact stricter laws on driving under the influence. This is even more important now that the recreational use of marijuana has been legitimized.

If legislators do not vote for increased penalties these folks should be removed from their positions. We also should investigate their background and stop them from being reelected, if there is any inappropriate use of alcohol or other substances. Those who would have reason to fear these restrictions do not need to be responsible for putting them in place. Stop the stupidity.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

Banned books

January 23, 2023

I received an e-mail from Penguin Random House today with a list of banned books I might want to read. As I went through the list, I found four that I had read. I can add a few more to their list from my favorites. It surprises me when I discover what books are deemed offensive by groups around the world.

The four from the list? Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five, George Orwell’s Animal Farm and 1984, and Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. I added Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn from my Uncle Sam. I’ll begin with the oldest books. Mark Twain is famous for writing period pieces. Most were from the time in which he lived.

Recently some of Twain’s books have been removed from libraries because of the language used in them. The common term for the word that is objected to is the “N” word. It is considered derogatory in our culture. In Samuel Clemens’s day, it was a word used to describe certain people. Even in that time, some used that term to denigrate others.

These books are valuable for showing us how minorities were abused in the past. These practices need to be corrected in our world. Removing offensive language from the culture can be done without eliminating non-offensive literature. We should agree on which word is acceptable in our society and positively descriptive of this people group.

George Orwell wrote 1984 to show that a tyrannical government can control its citizens in many significant ways. We have the wonderful phrase “Big brother is watching you” from this amazing story. In the 1940s the technology to watch us 24/7 was not yet available. Today it is.

Why it and Animal Farm should be banned is not obvious to me. A story about a society inhabited by species of animals is nothing new to us now. Orwell was trying to teach us about prejudice and trying to control others for our own purposes. There is an alternative message here. Take care of others and you help yourself.

I first met the writings of Kurt Vonnegut in 1973 at Southwest Missouri State University in Springfield, Missouri. I was a sophomore, and they offered their first class in science fiction as literature. Our instructor was a Vonnegut fan, and I was not at first. Slaughterhouse has never been a favorite. Again, I do not fully understand why they should be banned. My guess is that someone like me did not enjoy reading it.

You guessed wrong if you believe The Invisible Man is a sci-fi book. I first read this book for a literature class at SMSU. Ralph Ellison writes a memoir of what it was like growing up as a young black man in white America. As you can notice from the title his main observation is that being black made him invisible to many.

The story that I tell most often about this book is sitting in the student union reading it when a nice-looking young lady approached me and began talking to me about it. After a short conversation, I realized she had mistaken it for the H.C. Wells novel. The kicker was that she was African American. I never told her about her mistake. We enjoyed several other conversations that year. When I transferred to another university, we lost track of each other.

As a writer I recommend books I have read, and I also advise against others that I felt were a waste of time. I do not like the concept of banning books for any reason. My wife and I did try to control what our daughters read at each stage as they matured.

I do not support the bill currently in the Missouri legislature that could penalize libraries for offering certain tomes to students whose parents do not believe that they are age appropriate. This type of legislation has failed to reach the floor for a vote in previous sessions. It should fail this year as well.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger

Falling in love

January 21, 2023

“I don’t love her anymore. I don’t remember when I did.” This is a line from “The Twilight Zone” episode that is titled “The Trouble with Templeton”. Actor Booth Templeton expresses his disdain to his servant about the current Mrs. Templeton’s dalliance and speculates on what his life would be like if his first wife had not died so young.

The episode ends when his first wife and best friend ask him to go back to where he came from. A disappointing end to time travel reminds us that we must continue to live even when life seems hard. Time travel is a common vehicle on this sci-fi anthology series from the 1960s.

The questions this brought to my mind were do we love because we must, or do we love because we want to? Love is a choice. Love is a verb. These are phrases you may have read in my articles before. It also is not an emotion as many believe.

The term making love is a misnomer, as well. Love is not a noun. It is not something that you can create. The proper term is having sex. There are other phrases that you can use without stating the acronym for the full use of carnal knowledge.

I have heard people using this excuse for divorce by saying they are no longer in love with their spouse. Men and women both reason their desire to end the relationship by this logic. Sometimes lack of sex is considered the indication they are no longer loved. Sex and love have no correlation.

Physical touch is one of the “Five Love Languages” talked about in Dr. Gary Chapman’s books. This demonstration of love is not always expressed through sexual contact. Couples continue to love and experience love when they no longer express their commitment through intercourse.

I will speak about the definition of this word in another column or series of columns. As you know, sometimes I have more to say about a subject than will fit into one piece. Keep in mind that much of what I share with you is not original to me.

I read a great deal. I research through files that I have collected over the last fifty years. Would you believe that I have maintained all my college class notes? I do use the internet; I like to fall back on older research materials.

The Bible is one of my favorite resources. I do not always quote chapters and verses when using the information and wisdom it provides. I am one of those oddballs that believe in the validity of scripture. It says that God is love and those who follow Christ are to love as He did. After all, He is God.

Paul tells us in his letters in the New Testament to love our spouses, children, and everyone that we know. Even the Old Testament commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Jesus said this was the second most important of the commandments we received from the Hebrews.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger