Let’s talk about – Page 4 – Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Every kiss begins with . . .

May 28, 2025

No, it isn’t Kay or Hallmark. It is with desire. When my wife and I watch rom-coms I have a saying, “It’s a Hallmark.” Most Hallmark movies have the starring couple kissing in the last five to fifteen minutes. Others like Larry Levinson productions have lovers kissing much earlier.

My wife and I kissed for the first time after our first or second date. I can’t remember exactly. I think it was the first time. It might not have been. I know I wanted to kiss her every time I saw her and I still do. This was the start of love.

Remember that I do not believe love and lust are the same. Lust is a kind of desire. Love prompts desires of its own. These are not the same. Love makes you want to be with someone. Not for sex or any of that superficial stuff. You want to spend your life with them.

We have been together for over fifty years. Today is our forty-ninth anniversary. We are both retired now and spend almost every moment together. We don’t have to be together all the time; we just enjoy each other’s company. We share the chores around the house, run errands together most of the time, and still sleep in the same bed.

We both have sleep apnea which means without our CPAP machines we snore. During the first year we dated I spent ten weeks over a thousand miles away for the summer. When I returned home, I had turned twenty-one and decided that we needed to be married as soon as possible after I graduated from college the next spring.

Two weeks after the wedding My job moved us to another city, and this gave me justification for marrying her before she graduated from high school. She completed school in the new community and found a job after she was out of school.

Many people think that if you get married at a young age it will be difficult to stay together. For us that has not been a problem. We have learned that the key to loving each other is forgiveness. Everyone has disagreements and makes mistakes. Don’t let these problems break up your relationships.

What we need to do is watch what we say to each other and forgive when we have differences in opinions. Another requirement is to make compromises. When our first daughter was born Cindy wanted to start a tradition of talking about Santa Claus with our daughter. I disagree with that idea.

I felt that promoting this kind of falsehood in our children’s lives would make them distrust what we told them about Jesus and God. She wanted them to be given the fun things these fantasies could bring. It turned out that we were able to explain the differences between real and pretend at the appropriate ages with each of them. Love sometimes is a compromise.

‘Hey man, you good?’

May 27, 2025

I just heard about this program that began in September of 2023. It was started by the Healthy Living Alliance of the Ozarks. The hope is to reduce the suicide rate for men in our area. Men account for 80% of suicide victims in our country. We are only around 50% of the population.

Why do we kill ourselves more often than women? We have been told not to cry. We are to man up and internalize our emotions. We do not want to look weak in front of our wives, kids, and other men. When we do not ask for and receive help, this causes us to fall victim to depression and succumb to unhealthy emotions.

This new program is supposed to get you and me to ask each other, “Hey man, you good?” Then as we tell each other, “Yeah, I’m fine” don’t accept that answer. Ask questions. Confess your own times of needing help. Ask for help and offer it.

I want you, my readers to know that I am like 53% of men in Greene County and had thoughts of suicide in the last year. Earlier this year, I walked away from home with the intention of not returning home alive. Others intervened and I was not successful. Without their help, I would not be here.

That was not the first time I wanted my life to end. I do not want you to feel sorry for me. I want you to recognize that I am no different from you. If you have never felt this kind of frustration with your life, count yourself fortunate. My hope is to get you to open up and share your story.

Start with me. Comment below and let’s share e-mail addresses. If you are close to Springfield, MO, let’s meet. I will share what gets to me and why I need help. You can tell me what’s up and we can find some others that we can join and back each other up. For those that are not local to me, we will put you in contact with men in your area that will be your support group.

We know we can’t continue to do this alone. Let’s be men, take charge of our lives and admit that we need each other. It is not just your life. It includes your family and friends. Doctors are researching the effects of genes on suicidal tendencies. This will take years to determine. I can answer some of these questions now.

Suicide is contagious. It is hereditary. There is no bacteria, virus, or gene that transmits it. It is passed along by making others think that what we did is acceptable to them. Have you heard the question, “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it as well?” This is the attitude at work here.

When we use drugs, alcohol, or sex to deal with our problems the first time, we are not considered an addicts. We follow the lead of others to begin. These things are known to be unhealthy if not controlled properly. Our emotions are the same. Letting them control us is not beneficial.

Don’t let depression, anxiety, or grief drive your actions. You can oversee your decisions. No one and nothing should be your boss. You hold the reigns. Drive your own wagon. Substances, emotions, or others should not be allowed to determine your path.

Remember the next time you talk to family or friends to ask how they are. Do not always take the answer that they are fine as the last word. Follow Regis Philbin’s lead and ask if that is their final answer. Let them know that you care about how they are. Be a true friend and show concern.

In his book “Manhood”, Senator Josh Hawley talks about a friend that took his own life. The last time he spoke to him he thought that something was wrong. As we men are prone to, he did not pry. Now he wishes he had. If you have not read this book, you need to. It does not matter if you are a man or a woman. Republican or not.

Hawley explains what a man should be and why. I find his explanations and reasoning to agree with my own beliefs. Check it out and make your own decision. Your eyes might be opened.

Violence and tragedy

May 13, 2025

Do you really want to know the reason for the violence? As that old movie line goes, “You can’t handle the truth.” I hope that we will try to understand why hatred, violence, and misunderstanding is rampant across our world.

Fifty years ago, I was still a teenager. Springfield was a much calmer community. Murder was almost unheard of here. St. Louis and Kansas City had high crime rates. Nothing like they have today.

Our population has increased by over 65,000 since then. That could be one explanation for the higher number of murders and assaults in Springfield, MO since 1960. What about the rest of the country and the world?

The wars in the middle east, Europe, and other places around the world have varied causes. I am going to boil it into a simple statement that many will disagree with. Wars are caused by people who feel that they have a reason to attack other people groups. My simple idea is that violence increases because we do not care about others.

Doesn’t this work for shootings, car accidents, and acts of aggression of any type? Most of us don’t intentionally hurt those that we care about. When we do not have compassion for someone else, we may harm them through accident or intention. I’ve been at scenes where the person who caused the problem states that they are sorry. Even though their direct actions inflicted pain. Others show no remorse.

A question that seems to be asked again and again is why? Is it because it is to easy to get a weapon? It is easy when weapons are as easy to put your hands on as rocks, scissors, or even your hands.

We need to look closely at what motivates those that attack. They may hate the victims. They may want something that their victims have. Would it be easier to help with the have nots. One case I heard years ago was of a teenager that was murdered for his tennis shoes by another youth that collected shoes and had over a hundred pairs.

After mass shootings there are always those that think we should strengthen gun laws. I believe the gun laws we have should be enforced heavily. If you own legal firearms, lock them away safely. I wrote a story a few years ago where I photographed over a dozen vehicles with unlocked doors that had visible weapons.

Once a person is inside of your home, make it as difficult as possible for them to steal not just weapons, but anything of value. Criminals want stolen items, and, in some states, they have made it extremely difficult to sell stolen items.

I have advocated for years that the news media should withhold the names of all accused of shootings or other violent acts. My belief is that there are times when they want to become famous or even infamous. We can’t remove the means; however, we might be able to remove some of the motivation. It could be worth a shot.

Don’t Ask, don’t tell.

May 11, 2025

This article is not about what you just thought when you read the headline. There is nothing here about homosexuals or the military. If you are truly interested in the phrase “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.” keep reading. This is not just a Springfield problem or a Christian concern. All human beings are guilty of these two errors. Asking someone a question and not really wanting to listen to the answer.

Walk down any street anywhere in the world and stop a stranger and ask the question, “How are you?” In Germany, you can say, “Vie Geht’s?” Every culture and language has one of these overtaxed phrases that are used when you are not the least bit interested but want to appear to be. While the same words can come from the mouth of one who is concerned, often the phrase is only a greeting and does not truly mean that the other person cares.

In churches, supermarkets, Wal-Mart or bars you experience the same concern or lack thereof. Often Christians are as guilty of treating each other and non-Christians with the same nonchalance. Try this the next time you think someone is truly asking about your health, disposition, or financial status, tell them how you really are.

This has been preached from pulpits with ministers telling their congregations they should be more concerned and interested in others because Jesus was. The good results usually end when someone is greeted by the same pastor who preached it and his eyes glaze over and he responds with some cliches like, “I’m sorry. I hope next week is better for you.” and turns away.

“Little Christ” is what Christianity means. Using Him as an example His followers must show the concern that He demonstrated with the Samaritan woman at the well. He went to that well specifically to see her. Then she was perplexed that a Jew would ask her as a Samaritan and a woman for a drink, He explained to her who He was and why He did not act like the Jews that she had seen before. He set a new standard for those who followed Him. Has this been forgotten in the Church?

Remember not to ask a question, if you do not want to take the time to hear the answer. Don’t ask the question, if you are uninterested in the answer. Don’t tell people you care about them and forget to prove it to them. After all, this Springfield is in Missouri and you have to show them.

Are You Easily Offended?

May 7, 2025

Most would say that they are not. Then there is a situation in which one does not find as much humor as might have previously been expected and upon introspection it is possible that our attitudes have changed. Such was the case on a Friday night at the MSHSAA Speech Tournament at Parkview High School in Springfield. High School speech tournaments were where this preacher boy learned to stand in front of an audience without dying of a heart attack.

A humorous presentation was made that I have listened to many times in over forty years of performing and judging this event. It was written by Mark Twain. In past years some of the characters used the “N” word in describing others in the book. That word had been replaced with a less offensive descriptive.

I see this throughout our culture. We cannot use a word but those same groups that say they are offended allow themselves to speak these words to each other. They are even lyrics to songs that are honored at their awards shows. I don’t mind being re-educated. I do not understand why the minorities aren’t held to the same high standards.

A few years ago, it was revealed that a NAACP leader that everyone thought was black was identified as being Caucasian. Hair color had been changed. A perm was used to conceal straight hair. Speech patterns had been changed to be more accepted. They fought for years to prevent white entertainers from mimicking them in movies and television. I understand.

The LGBT community have added a new letter to their name. Correct me if I am incorrect. Isn’t that the letter that a name they do not like begins with. Once again, we cannot use it. LGBTQ members can. Can we protest the use of the erm WASP.

Let’s stop calling each other names. We are all human beings. I have advocated for years that we stop calling others by two very offensive designations that they like to use for themselves and their counterparts. Let’s drop the use of Republican and Democrat or liberal and conservative. These do not fit the organizations and their constituency. I am non-partisan. The separate but equal rule applies here as well. If they are forced to live together then we will learn to see our similarities and not out differences.

How will we know who we should vote for? By getting to know who they are and not accepting who they want us to think they are. I’m tired of being lied to. How about you?

I think I’m in love.

May 5, 2025

In college, this was a saying that many guys my age used. One of my friends or acquaintances would say this when we say a beautiful girl or woman walks by. A friend of mine at Southwest Baptist College in Bolivar, MO, changed that slightly. He was a ministerial student like me. He changed it to “I think I’m in lust.”

There is a difference between love and lust. Let me define the two words. Love is not an emotion. Lust is a desire for something sexual. I do not like to use dictionaries for words like love. Secular scholars are more interested in contemporary usages of the word and not what the Biblical examples indicate.

I agree with Paul’s definition of the love of God. You’ve read it in First Corinthians chapter 13. It includes patience, kindness, lack of envy, boasting, and pride. This is what we should strive for in our romantic love.

Do you know how to define what you mean when you say “I love you” to your spouse? The Association referred to it as “Cherish” in the song in 1966. “Cherish is the word I use to describe all the feelings that I have” is the opening line. This song also tells us that all the other guys say, “I love you.”

All they want is to touch your face, your hands, or hold you. Others say they will love you all the rest of their lives. When I was dating the girls were warned not to believe us when we said that we loved them. Most of these guys would use the line, “If you really love me, we should have sex.”

I never was one to do that. I had one girlfriend that I learned later and she stopped dating me because I never tried to have sex with her. Cindy will tell you that I haven’t had that problem for a long time.

On television and in movies, young people ask their parents or other adults how you know if you love someone. For me, it was because I wanted to be with her. Not every minute of every day like the songs say. When we are apart, I need to get back to her. I hope you have someone that gives you that kind of security.

This is not sexual. That is why I say that sex is not the same as love. I do not like to use the term making love. That makes love a noun, not a verb. Love is something you do. As Paul says, “It is patient, it is kind, it never fails.”

I explain to those who say that they fell in love and have fallen out of love by adding I did not fall. I jumped in. I can leave if I do not want to continue to love. I have a choice to love or not. It is the same for you. Jump or stay where you are.

Love is a choice as the book title says. It is up to you. Like Doc Brown said at the end of the third installment of the Back to the Future Trilogy, “Your future isn’t set. Make it what you want it to be.”

God’s short shelf

April 11, 2025

In some factories around Springfield and all over the world, you will find the terms short shelf, short material, short stock or some other name that indicates that while the length or size of the product is no longer kept in inventory, there are still uses for it and it is not to be scrapped. As Christians, we need to think about who is on God’s short shelf.

Unlike steel or aluminum, which may be used using small pieces for certain jobs, children are small but will not always be too small to use. Kids grow and will someday be adults. Don’t scrap your children before they have had the chance to show what they can be. Everyone needs a job to do, even if it is as simple as putting napkins or forks, and spoons on the table before a meal. Take the youngsters off the short shelf and give them an easy task. Don’t stop there. As they learn to conquer the trivial, they will mature into teens, which will help.

Often our youth are treated as scrap when they need to be moved from the short shelf to a useful position. Find something that interests them. Middle school students often are left playing video games because an adult did not take the time to educate them on what needs to be done around the house. Older grandchildren can help in the garden, climb ladders to paint or clean, or accomplish many of the tasks that their unsteady parents or grandparents now have difficulty with. The difficult task is motivation. Rewards, not bribes, are useful here. More time spent on the computer, playing video games, or visiting friends on the phone or in person should be earned. You’ve lost the battle by keeping them in the scrap bin when laziness is accepted and not destroyed early.

Those who qualify for senior discounts may consider themselves retired or just tired. The stamina and energy of youth may have waned, but their maturity and experience count for something. One of the best ways to keep the retired folks off the scrap heap is to find their talents. Whether it is auto repair, cooking, telling stories, or just getting on their knees and praying, they are still useful. Advice is often precious in times of struggle, and the best counsel is from those who have been there before you. Don’t miss out on this resource.

The physically or mentally handicapped are often overlooked because it may be difficult to find a place of service for them. Their difficulties seem to be insurmountable. Often, those who are slower mentally are like children. They have enthusiasm and energy that need to be used on simple tasks. Stapling, folding, or sorting papers to lighten some other person’s load may be an answer. Do not look at the weakness of others. Look for their abilities and strengths.

God loves everyone and has called each Christian to service. Find your place, and when you have the opportunity, help someone else to find their niche. We are a body that should work together with Christ as the head.

Boomers go bust

April 3, 2025

As the years and the decades increase in your life span, you will notice that references that younger people do not recognize are readily caught by you and your contemporaries. My contemporaries are the kids of the baby boom. There is a lot of misinformation about this generation.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau this group was born between 1946 and 1964. We are 79 to 61 years old. If you refer to those younger or older than this as boomers, you are making an error.

Just to let you know, we are not older than dirt. Our parents were familiar with dirt when they were children. They told us thousands of stories about getting in trouble when they were kids for getting themselves or the house they lived in dirty. Some of us even remember our grandparents talking about dirt before our folks were born.

We do not remember World War I or II, the civil war, or the Roman Empire. We are not as old as God or Jesus. Both have existed for all eternity. We know that you are not as intelligent as we are. Don’t prove to us how stupid younger people are. We try to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Keep in mind that whatever you say to your children about us will come back to bite you in the backside. The generations after you will repeat these fallacies and may someday refer to you as boomers, old fogies, or the ancient of days. We remember using these same phrases on our parents and grandparents.

I look forward to hearing my grandchildren insult their parents the way they criticized us. I remember when I was fourteen and thought that I was smarter than my dad because the highest he went to school was the eighth grade. I hope all of them will get their B.A. as I and their mothers did.

Master’s or doctorates would be even better. I won’t tell them they are stupid if they do not know who or what the Mercury Seven were as long as they don’t roll their eyes when I question who all the current movie stars, TV and music performers are. Even I can identify Lady Gaga. Your children will agree with us that she was just some weirdo.

We hate it that there are a lot of commercials for medications for our ailments, adult diapers, and supplements that are recommended for older people. Keep in mind that in five years the next generation will need to sign up for Medicare and they already can join AARP.

The only way any of you can keep from getting as old as we are, is to die. When President John Kennedy was assassinated in 1963, we were told “only the good die young.” We know that was not true because we see bad people die in their twenties, thirties and forties. It is tragic, but it happens.

I wish you what parents have hoped for their children and grandchildren for centuries. To live long and prosper. We know where this quotation came from. Do you?

Animalities

March 24, 2025

You’ve never heard of this word? What about doganality or catanality? The dictionary definition is “quality or nature associated with animals.” My explanation is much simpler.

People have personalities. Animals have animalities. Dogs have doganalities and cats have catanalities. For people, the word explains how they act and their characteristics. We often refer to our pets as having personalities.

We want them to be like us. We try to attribute our feelings and emotions to them. Think about what it would be like if we did the same thing in reverse. Cats are said to be stuck on themselves and self-focused. Do you know any people who act like cats? I can think of a few.

Would you describe anyone as being as faithful as a dog? We talk about those who are as clever as foxes or wise as owls. Why not loyalty like a canine. Is every dog as faithful as any others? No, some are trained to be mean or angry on command. This type of education can backfire on the owner or trainer.

Have you ever heard of catting around? Both men and women can have this attribute. Are you doggedly determined to accomplish your goals? Men can be described as the same.

I have read a lot of books over the years about how to communicate in a marriage relationship. “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.” “The Five Love Languages.” “I’m O.K. You’re O.K.” These are just a few. These deal with reasons why men and women have difficulty in communicating.

I am in full agreement with these authors. However, I believe that we also need to point out that some people have their own personalities. These peculiarities can make it hard for their spouses to communicate with them.

Even our pets can be different. My cat loves to fight when she plays. Other cats we had were laid back. She is inquisitive and adventurous. We have a dog that can be described as a scaredy dog. He is a good watchdog that is very protective.

Just like cats, some people want to do what they want to do. Some might call this selfishness. Have you heard the saying, “It is like herding cats.” Cats and some people will do their own thing and not ask your permission.

One of the dogs’ dominant traits is their faithfulness. Many believe that this is a God-given trait. We have had several pets over the years, not just dogs and cats but also guinea pigs, gerbils, and many other species. There is something about these two types that is unique. We have had dogs and cats at the same time. They got along fine. Sometimes, it just took time for them to learn how to deal with each other.

The main secret is that they learned to respect and appreciate each other. That is what it takes to be a real family: growing to know who you are as a person and who the other person is. This is called intimacy—not sexual intimacy. It is spiritual.

Conversation and communication are essential to this kind of relationship. Remember that even the most different individuals can become friends and much more. It is work, but it is worth it.

Bullies need love, too

March 10, 2025

When I was growing up, I encountered my fair share of bullies. I was a math and English nerd. I had no athletic talents and was literally the proverbial 98 lb. weakling. In other words, I was a bully magnet.

My oldest brother was bullied as well. When he was in the third grade another boy picked on him. One day he came into the house from school with his shirt torn and his nose bloodied, Mom turned him around and told him not to come back home until the other kid looked worse than he did.

He came back about ten minutes later and told Mom she needed to go down the street to our grandparents’ house. When she arrived there, Aunt Mildred told her Kenny had the other boy down banging his head against the sidewalk. If she hadn’t stopped it, he might have killed the other kid.

Mom made a prediction that day that turned out to be true. She said, “That kid will never pick on him again.” It did not just work for him but for my other brother and me as well. I did not have to worry about bullies until I was in seventh grade.

I was in my first fight that year. My friend Vern and I and another kid were in the auditorium waiting until we were allowed into the rest of the building. The other boy walked up to me and hit me in the chest. I hit him once in the face. You should not mess with a kid with two older brothers. He was still unconscious when the bell rang, and we went to class. He never bothered me again.

He wasn’t the only aggressor I encountered in Junior High and both Central and Hillcrest had their share. Not all the people in my life who wanted to push me around have done it physically. I’ve had demanding bosses and business associates who thought I should roll over and let them lie, cheat, or violate laws.

I let them know that I would not be a part of this type of behavior. I’ve quit jobs, in some cases simply tolerated unacceptable behavior in hopes the offenders would learn from the way I treated them, and terminated employees when I had the authority to do so.

This is the best way to put a domineering person in their place. Terminate the relationship. Quit the job. Dump the person who only wants to criticize you. The controllers also need to be shown the door. Be sure to do this before you marry them.

People are all different. Some of us don’t get along. Others need to work on it hard. Then some are never happy unless they get their own way. If they can’t compromise and you don’t want to, think about who the bully might be.

God has shown me some bullies can be tamed by treating them with kindness and patience. You may have to hope that others can be corrected by someone else. Some will never be reached by anyone. Don’t become discouraged. Keep trying.

It is frustrating that our country has decided to reward a bully by making him our chief executive. He is not the first leader who thought he could force his way on everyone else. Adolf Hitler tried it. Germany allowed him to demolish their government and become a dictator. It took the U.S. and most of the world to defeat him. We must remember not to roll over and play dead like some of them did.

Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Walk With a Servant

Category: Let’s talk about