Let’s talk about – Page 5 – Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

I think I’m in love.

May 5, 2025

In college, this was a saying that many guys my age used. One of my friends or acquaintances would say this when we say a beautiful girl or woman walks by. A friend of mine at Southwest Baptist College in Bolivar, MO, changed that slightly. He was a ministerial student like me. He changed it to “I think I’m in lust.”

There is a difference between love and lust. Let me define the two words. Love is not an emotion. Lust is a desire for something sexual. I do not like to use dictionaries for words like love. Secular scholars are more interested in contemporary usages of the word and not what the Biblical examples indicate.

I agree with Paul’s definition of the love of God. You’ve read it in First Corinthians chapter 13. It includes patience, kindness, lack of envy, boasting, and pride. This is what we should strive for in our romantic love.

Do you know how to define what you mean when you say “I love you” to your spouse? The Association referred to it as “Cherish” in the song in 1966. “Cherish is the word I use to describe all the feelings that I have” is the opening line. This song also tells us that all the other guys say, “I love you.”

All they want is to touch your face, your hands, or hold you. Others say they will love you all the rest of their lives. When I was dating the girls were warned not to believe us when we said that we loved them. Most of these guys would use the line, “If you really love me, we should have sex.”

I never was one to do that. I had one girlfriend that I learned later and she stopped dating me because I never tried to have sex with her. Cindy will tell you that I haven’t had that problem for a long time.

On television and in movies, young people ask their parents or other adults how you know if you love someone. For me, it was because I wanted to be with her. Not every minute of every day like the songs say. When we are apart, I need to get back to her. I hope you have someone that gives you that kind of security.

This is not sexual. That is why I say that sex is not the same as love. I do not like to use the term making love. That makes love a noun, not a verb. Love is something you do. As Paul says, “It is patient, it is kind, it never fails.”

I explain to those who say that they fell in love and have fallen out of love by adding I did not fall. I jumped in. I can leave if I do not want to continue to love. I have a choice to love or not. It is the same for you. Jump or stay where you are.

Love is a choice as the book title says. It is up to you. Like Doc Brown said at the end of the third installment of the Back to the Future Trilogy, “Your future isn’t set. Make it what you want it to be.”

God’s short shelf

April 11, 2025

In some factories around Springfield and all over the world, you will find the terms short shelf, short material, short stock or some other name that indicates that while the length or size of the product is no longer kept in inventory, there are still uses for it and it is not to be scrapped. As Christians, we need to think about who is on God’s short shelf.

Unlike steel or aluminum, which may be used using small pieces for certain jobs, children are small but will not always be too small to use. Kids grow and will someday be adults. Don’t scrap your children before they have had the chance to show what they can be. Everyone needs a job to do, even if it is as simple as putting napkins or forks, and spoons on the table before a meal. Take the youngsters off the short shelf and give them an easy task. Don’t stop there. As they learn to conquer the trivial, they will mature into teens, which will help.

Often our youth are treated as scrap when they need to be moved from the short shelf to a useful position. Find something that interests them. Middle school students often are left playing video games because an adult did not take the time to educate them on what needs to be done around the house. Older grandchildren can help in the garden, climb ladders to paint or clean, or accomplish many of the tasks that their unsteady parents or grandparents now have difficulty with. The difficult task is motivation. Rewards, not bribes, are useful here. More time spent on the computer, playing video games, or visiting friends on the phone or in person should be earned. You’ve lost the battle by keeping them in the scrap bin when laziness is accepted and not destroyed early.

Those who qualify for senior discounts may consider themselves retired or just tired. The stamina and energy of youth may have waned, but their maturity and experience count for something. One of the best ways to keep the retired folks off the scrap heap is to find their talents. Whether it is auto repair, cooking, telling stories, or just getting on their knees and praying, they are still useful. Advice is often precious in times of struggle, and the best counsel is from those who have been there before you. Don’t miss out on this resource.

The physically or mentally handicapped are often overlooked because it may be difficult to find a place of service for them. Their difficulties seem to be insurmountable. Often, those who are slower mentally are like children. They have enthusiasm and energy that need to be used on simple tasks. Stapling, folding, or sorting papers to lighten some other person’s load may be an answer. Do not look at the weakness of others. Look for their abilities and strengths.

God loves everyone and has called each Christian to service. Find your place, and when you have the opportunity, help someone else to find their niche. We are a body that should work together with Christ as the head.

Boomers go bust

April 3, 2025

As the years and the decades increase in your life span, you will notice that references that younger people do not recognize are readily caught by you and your contemporaries. My contemporaries are the kids of the baby boom. There is a lot of misinformation about this generation.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau this group was born between 1946 and 1964. We are 79 to 61 years old. If you refer to those younger or older than this as boomers, you are making an error.

Just to let you know, we are not older than dirt. Our parents were familiar with dirt when they were children. They told us thousands of stories about getting in trouble when they were kids for getting themselves or the house they lived in dirty. Some of us even remember our grandparents talking about dirt before our folks were born.

We do not remember World War I or II, the civil war, or the Roman Empire. We are not as old as God or Jesus. Both have existed for all eternity. We know that you are not as intelligent as we are. Don’t prove to us how stupid younger people are. We try to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Keep in mind that whatever you say to your children about us will come back to bite you in the backside. The generations after you will repeat these fallacies and may someday refer to you as boomers, old fogies, or the ancient of days. We remember using these same phrases on our parents and grandparents.

I look forward to hearing my grandchildren insult their parents the way they criticized us. I remember when I was fourteen and thought that I was smarter than my dad because the highest he went to school was the eighth grade. I hope all of them will get their B.A. as I and their mothers did.

Master’s or doctorates would be even better. I won’t tell them they are stupid if they do not know who or what the Mercury Seven were as long as they don’t roll their eyes when I question who all the current movie stars, TV and music performers are. Even I can identify Lady Gaga. Your children will agree with us that she was just some weirdo.

We hate it that there are a lot of commercials for medications for our ailments, adult diapers, and supplements that are recommended for older people. Keep in mind that in five years the next generation will need to sign up for Medicare and they already can join AARP.

The only way any of you can keep from getting as old as we are, is to die. When President John Kennedy was assassinated in 1963, we were told “only the good die young.” We know that was not true because we see bad people die in their twenties, thirties and forties. It is tragic, but it happens.

I wish you what parents have hoped for their children and grandchildren for centuries. To live long and prosper. We know where this quotation came from. Do you?

Animalities

March 24, 2025

You’ve never heard of this word? What about doganality or catanality? The dictionary definition is “quality or nature associated with animals.” My explanation is much simpler.

People have personalities. Animals have animalities. Dogs have doganalities and cats have catanalities. For people, the word explains how they act and their characteristics. We often refer to our pets as having personalities.

We want them to be like us. We try to attribute our feelings and emotions to them. Think about what it would be like if we did the same thing in reverse. Cats are said to be stuck on themselves and self-focused. Do you know any people who act like cats? I can think of a few.

Would you describe anyone as being as faithful as a dog? We talk about those who are as clever as foxes or wise as owls. Why not loyalty like a canine. Is every dog as faithful as any others? No, some are trained to be mean or angry on command. This type of education can backfire on the owner or trainer.

Have you ever heard of catting around? Both men and women can have this attribute. Are you doggedly determined to accomplish your goals? Men can be described as the same.

I have read a lot of books over the years about how to communicate in a marriage relationship. “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.” “The Five Love Languages.” “I’m O.K. You’re O.K.” These are just a few. These deal with reasons why men and women have difficulty in communicating.

I am in full agreement with these authors. However, I believe that we also need to point out that some people have their own personalities. These peculiarities can make it hard for their spouses to communicate with them.

Even our pets can be different. My cat loves to fight when she plays. Other cats we had were laid back. She is inquisitive and adventurous. We have a dog that can be described as a scaredy dog. He is a good watchdog that is very protective.

Just like cats, some people want to do what they want to do. Some might call this selfishness. Have you heard the saying, “It is like herding cats.” Cats and some people will do their own thing and not ask your permission.

One of the dogs’ dominant traits is their faithfulness. Many believe that this is a God-given trait. We have had several pets over the years, not just dogs and cats but also guinea pigs, gerbils, and many other species. There is something about these two types that is unique. We have had dogs and cats at the same time. They got along fine. Sometimes, it just took time for them to learn how to deal with each other.

The main secret is that they learned to respect and appreciate each other. That is what it takes to be a real family: growing to know who you are as a person and who the other person is. This is called intimacy—not sexual intimacy. It is spiritual.

Conversation and communication are essential to this kind of relationship. Remember that even the most different individuals can become friends and much more. It is work, but it is worth it.

Bullies need love, too

March 10, 2025

When I was growing up, I encountered my fair share of bullies. I was a math and English nerd. I had no athletic talents and was literally the proverbial 98 lb. weakling. In other words, I was a bully magnet.

My oldest brother was bullied as well. When he was in the third grade another boy picked on him. One day he came into the house from school with his shirt torn and his nose bloodied, Mom turned him around and told him not to come back home until the other kid looked worse than he did.

He came back about ten minutes later and told Mom she needed to go down the street to our grandparents’ house. When she arrived there, Aunt Mildred told her Kenny had the other boy down banging his head against the sidewalk. If she hadn’t stopped it, he might have killed the other kid.

Mom made a prediction that day that turned out to be true. She said, “That kid will never pick on him again.” It did not just work for him but for my other brother and me as well. I did not have to worry about bullies until I was in seventh grade.

I was in my first fight that year. My friend Vern and I and another kid were in the auditorium waiting until we were allowed into the rest of the building. The other boy walked up to me and hit me in the chest. I hit him once in the face. You should not mess with a kid with two older brothers. He was still unconscious when the bell rang, and we went to class. He never bothered me again.

He wasn’t the only aggressor I encountered in Junior High and both Central and Hillcrest had their share. Not all the people in my life who wanted to push me around have done it physically. I’ve had demanding bosses and business associates who thought I should roll over and let them lie, cheat, or violate laws.

I let them know that I would not be a part of this type of behavior. I’ve quit jobs, in some cases simply tolerated unacceptable behavior in hopes the offenders would learn from the way I treated them, and terminated employees when I had the authority to do so.

This is the best way to put a domineering person in their place. Terminate the relationship. Quit the job. Dump the person who only wants to criticize you. The controllers also need to be shown the door. Be sure to do this before you marry them.

People are all different. Some of us don’t get along. Others need to work on it hard. Then some are never happy unless they get their own way. If they can’t compromise and you don’t want to, think about who the bully might be.

God has shown me some bullies can be tamed by treating them with kindness and patience. You may have to hope that others can be corrected by someone else. Some will never be reached by anyone. Don’t become discouraged. Keep trying.

It is frustrating that our country has decided to reward a bully by making him our chief executive. He is not the first leader who thought he could force his way on everyone else. Adolf Hitler tried it. Germany allowed him to demolish their government and become a dictator. It took the U.S. and most of the world to defeat him. We must remember not to roll over and play dead like some of them did.

A month of love

February 7, 2025

February is called the month of love due to the fourteenth. In past years, I have written an annual Valentine’s Day column. I have decided to spend this month posting as many pieces about love as I can. Let’s begin by talking about what most people think love is.

Ask a dozen people what love is, and you will receive four or five answers like, “a warm hug,” “a puppy,” or my favorite “how you feel about someone.” In my opinion, love is a verb. It is an action. You show love by doing something for someone.

Examples are cooking dinner, doing chores they dislike, and taking them somewhere you do not want to go without telling them you don’t want to go there. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? Try it. They’ll like it.

When you love someone, you will be a servant to them. You will do what they need you to do without them having to ask. We usually have two problems in this area. We want them to do things for us that we don’t tell them about. We try to do things for them that they want to do themselves.

I don’t like to clean or do laundry. If you want to be of service to me, come do those. You might want to cook me a meal. That would be fine from time to time. If you truly love me, let me do the cooking. You should help with the things I do not want to do.

Do you understand this? When my wife was a stay-at-home mom, she cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, and all the other things that a home needs to do. On my weekend off I cooked and helped with everything else. She mowed the yard for me and ran errands I had no time to take care of. We serve each other.

I did not ask her to do all the “woman’s work” because of my love for her. She did not require me to complete all the “man’s work” as well as working 40+ hours a week. We are also DIYers. I know what Labor Day means because most of these holidays were spent working on our home.

We refinished three rooms of oak flooring. Ripping out carpet and painting walls and ceilings. Then we tore up our bedroom, hung sheetrock, painted it, and installed new trim. Before we sold that house, we remodeled the kitchen and dining room which involved installing and finishing two more oak floors. The only room we did not touch was the family room.

We’ve been here for twenty years now. This house needed no work when we moved in. In the years we have been here we’ve painted, laid new carpeting, replaced kitchen backsplash, and other items. Life and love are work. Don’t believe people who tell you they are not.

Love is being there for the person you say you love. It is the ups and downs of the relationship. It is the commitment that you keep to each other. It is refusing to allow anyone or anything to come between you. Love is a verb.

The summer of 1975

January 26, 2025

In 1975 I traveled farther than I had ever gone. I rode a Continental Trail Ways Bus from Springfield, MO to Harrisburg, PA. I left Missouri on a bright morning and by the next afternoon had checked into a hotel with over a hundred college and high school students from all over the United States. We were there for orientation to the Student Summer Mission Program of the Home Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Leaving home wasn’t that hard. I spent the last semester of school in a dormitory on campus in Bolivar. That is about thirty miles north of my home. Ron, my roommate, and I got along well, and we both went home every weekend. He went to Waynesville and I to Springfield. He had transferred to Southwest Baptist College that year as a junior from the University of Missouri, Rolla campus. I did the same thing from Southwest Missouri State University. He was a mechanical engineering student, and my major was creative writing. I was going to go to the University of Missouri at Columbia before God called me to the ministry. Ron’s plans were changed by God, also, before we met.

During the first week of my first semester, I saw signs around campus promoting the Summer Missionary Program. I filled out the paperwork and applied. We would find out if we had been accepted after the new year.

That year, I met many new people, not all of them at college. I went to church one Wednesday evening for dinner and joined a youth excursion to a haunted house. At church, I met a cute little high school girl. As we waited in line at the haunted house, we began holding hands, and I made myself available to comfort her when she was frightened.

I failed to ask for her phone number that night. I later asked the girl she had attended with for her number, and we began dating. When I received my acceptance for the summer and learned I would be going to PA I wondered about leaving her for ten weeks.

When I left in June 1975, we were engaged. We wrote letters—yes, I know that is old-fashioned—and spoke on the phone. I missed her terribly. I returned in August; I had decided that by next summer, we would be married. I was graduating in the spring and did not know if I would be going to seminary or where God would take me.

I took a part-time job in February of 1976 and was offered a full-time management trainee position two weeks before graduation. Two weeks after our wedding I was told they needed me to move to Joplin, Missouri. Cindy was still in high school. I left for Joplin on a Sunday evening and stayed in a hotel. She joined me on Friday after she quit her summer job.

I was so glad to have her in my arms again. She graduated in December, and we returned to Springfield in August of 1977. Over the years I have been asked why we did not wait until she finished school to be married. My answer is simple. I did not want to be away from her like I had been the previous summer.

I did not know that God intended me to move so close to home. I thought I might be going hundreds of miles away again. I had considered Dallas, TX, Kansas City, or even California for Seminary. That was not God’s plan. I did not need a master’s or doctorate. I needed to learn to be a workplace minister.

The question is sometimes asked by teenagers, “How do you know when you are in love?” For me, I knew that summer. I never wanted to be away from her again. I’ve gone on short mission trips of about a week. I’ve traveled for training and my job. Ten days was the longest we have been apart in fifty years.

Shortly after I accepted the call to full-time Christian service, my pastor told me to carefully select the woman I would marry. When I transferred to SWBC (Southwest Bridal College), I dated several girls. I prayed for each one. Was she the one I should marry? I do not believe I ever asked God about Cindy. I knew I had to spend my life with her.

If you are looking at major changes in your life this year, graduating, moving, or changing jobs, be sure that you are seeking the Lord’s will. Nineteen Seventy-Four was a pivotal year for me. God told me He wanted my life, and I gave it to Hum. Is this the year you should do the same?

The heat of the moment

January 12, 2025

This is a commonly used phrase. It was brought to my mind by a character in “The Waltons” TV series. We all have those days when we say or do things that we wish we could recall. This episode had several characters that were not their normal sensible selves.

One of these was John Walton, Senior. You know him. John Boy’s dad. He had trouble with his sawmill and decided to retire. He went fishing, playing pool, and drinking more than he usually would. His children were wondering about him. This happens to us all.

John took the correct steps to repair his damaged relationships. He apologized. He also informed his children that they should allow him the space to be himself while he was an adult, even if that meant actions that they did not expect from him.

I’ve had my times of going off the rails. Most of my business associates think of me as an even-tempered quiet type. My good friends and family have experienced the real Chuck. Not so quiet or dignified. Likely to blow off steam when needed. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes it drives us to blow a gasket.

I know this because I once sold seals, gasket material, and other products to repair these conflagrations. Yes, that is another way of saying explosion. Most pressurized equipment includes a valve designed to release excess pressure. What is yours?

When we first moved into a house with a wood stove, I began splitting my own wood. That was more than thirty years ago. I purchased a splitting mall and became adept at using it. Slamming that device into a log enables me to release anger and frustration. You need a release as well.

It is better to break wood before you crush someone’s face. Don’t go to a bar to relax. It might make matters worse. Walking away when you start to become angry, or upset is the best way. Distance from the problem gives you time to calm down.

If the news or weather upsets you, turn them off. Yelling at the TV or radio does no good. I know. I’ve done it. Those stupid people on the screen do not listen.

Try to cool the heat of the moment in the easiest way that you can. We all have those moments from time to time. The fewer foot-in-the-mouth moments I have the better life is. I hope it works for you.

Give a woman a quilt

January 7, 2025

“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will feed him for a lifetime.” That adage is true. A corollary to it is, “Give a woman a quilt and she will be warm for a lifetime. Give the correct woman a quilting machine and she will warm others for thousands of lifetimes.” Never heard of it before. That doesn’t surprise me. I just wrote it.

What has me thinking about quilts? The APQS Company delivered a new machine to my wife. No, we did not buy one. It was a prize in a Facebook contest they had. Cindy received the call announcing to her that she was the winner. She was stunned and so was I, when she called me to share the good news.

People have commented about these contests and most don’t believe that anyone ever wins these prizes. It’s like the fast-food games where you win an order of fries or a hamburger, but never the trip to Spain or Bermuda. We can say we are the ones who were given the big prize. Our taxes for next April showed it as well.

All the prizes offered may not be in legitimate contests. Determine for yourself whether it is an honest company and whether it is not one of those scams you always hear about. All Cindy had to give was information readily available through normal means.

Has God ever blessed you with a gift of this kind? It isn’t the first time for us. He has given us a computer and other smaller items before. This time was a truly miraculous gift. The gifts we receive from the Lord are usually less in material value.

We are often blessed with good health, happiness, twenty-four hours in a day, and good jobs. These are wonderful and we should show our appreciation. Count your blessings, name them one by one as the gospel song says.

Our prayers that were offered were of thanksgiving and for direction in how to use the gift that God and APQS gave her. Letting the daughters and granddaughters learn to quilt on it is a given. Making quilts to be given to family and friends is also a result. The major concern is to become a professional quilter or let it remain a hobby.

When you are the owner of a professional machine, it stands that you will become a professional, right. Not necessarily. God does not usually give us something to be used only for our own profit. There comes that new saying, “Give the correct woman a quilting machine and she will warm others for thousands of lifetimes.”

New Year new goal

January 5, 2025

I am one of the few people that I know who can honestly say that they have not broken a new year’s resolution for more than ten years. Over ten years ago I resolved to never make another resolution. I make goals each year. Not just one thing that I may not accomplish.

These goals are of varying types. Usually, I set several during a year. In 2009 I needed to get a new job when I was laid off in January. I found that job in March. In 2010 I set the same goal when I was terminated from that company. I celebrated that dismissal because the owner of the company was a tyrant.

That new job did not appear until 2012 when I dropped the first company from my resume’. That made me realize they had been spreading lies about me. Recently they had problems of their own and I can say that I hope they soon recover. Tough times for others are not a time to rejoice.

This year I have a few goals already in mind. Publishing my book “Doulos” on this site and using several E-book platforms as well. We’ll see how quickly that goes. I have five other projects that I hope to complete and present to you here this year. My problem is which will be next.

To do this, my reading goal on Goodreads has been adjusted down to one hundred. Writing and publishing will be my priority until I can reduce my backlog. These are personal accomplishments I will concentrate on. My wife and I are working on a book together. We hope to finish it before the year is out.

We also have several quilts that we would like to finish. They are what are lovingly referred to as UFOs (Unfinished Objects). Then there is the completion of the dining room and kitchen renovation we began between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Several DIY repairs will follow that one.

Each year we perform these tasks as we have money, time, and energy. This is nothing new for us. We have been here for a while and did not need to make changes until recently. We have replaced the water heater, HVAC system, refrigerator, and dishwasher. Things wear out and must be taken care of. There has been talk of a hot tub and possible long vacations. These are in the we want and planning stages.

I am sure that you have some things you would like to see started or completed in the next few months. Restore a classic car, write your first or next song, get married, have children, or buy a home. These are all worthy goals. Set your own and see where they lead.

One thing I think we should all strive for is a more positive attitude towards others. This could be as easy as taking yourself off the throne in your life and putting others on that pedestal. It may sound hard. Nothing worthwhile is easy. Give it a shot.

Have a great year and let’s get together this December and compare notes. I believe we will all be pleasantly surprised.

Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Walk With a Servant

Category: Let’s talk about