Let’s talk about – Page 7 – Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Trapped?

December 23, 2023

Am I? Trapped, that is. I know some people who are stuck in jobs they do not enjoy. I was there on more than one occasion. My last two jobs were not the ones I really wanted. There were different reasons that I did not want to be there.

Personality conflicts and bad management practices were two reasons. Another job that I worked in for twenty-five years had similar problems. I stayed there hoping that I could make changes to improve these difficulties. After I realized I could not God led me to a job I loved. A layoff I had no control over, took me from there.

Some are in bad relationships. We may be the ones who need to change our attitudes or actions. Others are not always completely at fault when there is trouble communicating and we can grow apart if we do not change positively. My wife and I often discuss ways that we have changed in the last forty-seven years. Compromise is the reason we have stayed together. And, of course, love.

I had a bout with addiction a few years ago. I did not know it at the time. I found myself in the emergency room with flu-like symptoms. The doctor sent me home to recover. A friend suggested that I might be going through withdrawal from the opioids I had been taking for pain following bypass surgery.

The fourteen symptoms that I was told were a virus were listed as withdrawal symptoms on an opioid website. I had become addicted in a short time. Now, healthcare professionals are learning that what manufacturers told them was incorrect. Smaller dosages did trap some people in less time than was believed at then.

I understand now how fortunate I was. I recognized what caused the pain, nausea, and cold I was experiencing. I did not take another dose as I had been doing every two to three days when my pain became worse. Alternate over-the-counter painkillers got me through a rough couple of days.

Smoking or alcohol usage may be your problem. I’ve never used these substances. I cannot tell you how to overcome their control over you. These are also addictions, and you may need professional help to get out of these traps. The first step is to admit that they are a problem for you. Then find a trusted friend who will assist in your recovery.

The worst trap that I have seen is in my own mind. You may be like me and subject to believe that your opinion is the only correct way to view situations. I have attempted to draw my opinions from the Bible for over fifty years. God has taught me that because you do not agree with me, you might not be wrong.

I have seen myself use scripture to prove what I was taught was the only right interpretation. Let me give you an example. Do you believe in The Rapture? Many of us Christians do. Our proof that we will be taken to meet Jesus in the air at the End of Time is a collection of unrelated scriptures.

Like the prophecies that prove that Jesus of Nazareth was the expected Messiah of the Jews, we believe God will save us from a world of evil. Some of us think this will happen before we must choose life or death. In some countries, this is already their situation. Being a follower of Jesus is a crime that carries the death penalty. I am not one hundred percent sure that my way of thinking is correct.

I could tell you of other doubts that I have had. I even considered the possibility that Jesus was not Christ or that God did not exist as my parents and grandparents taught me. I dealt with that internal conflict by asking Jehovah to prove He is the I Am. He did this for me and straightened out my thinking about who Jesus really was.

I have decided to accept Him as my Lord and Savior. Each year that passes on the calendar gives me more confirmation that this was the correct decision. I am constantly considering all alternatives and do not see any that my faith does not prove to be false. I may be putting this faith in the wrong being. If I am wrong, I will not spend eternity in a place of torment. That is one main difference between my beliefs and other religions.

Lastly, let’s discuss other ways our own minds trap us. Many of these are referred to as mental illness. Some of you may diagnose me as having a delusion because of my faith. I am talking about depression, schizophrenia, and all the other ways that our physical chemistry or internal thoughts can hold us prisoners.

Suicidal thoughts have haunted me for years. Sometimes these are caused by medications that react badly to our systems. Other times outside influences can make us feel hopeless and helpless. Get professional help for these problems. Just as I take insulin and heart medications for my health problems, we may need assistance in handling anger, frustration, depression, and all those emotions that plague our everyday lives.

If you feel trapped in any of these areas, ask for help. Do not accept this as the way you must live. Look for someone who has dealt with what you are enduring. If they have been able to overcome problems like yours, they may be able to direct you to someone who can assist you.

HIGHWAY & HEDGES MINISTRY

November 7, 2023

In forty years of ministry, it has often been asked, “You’re a minister? Which church do you pastor?” The explanation is often difficult. Not all ministers are pastors of churches. When the calling came, it was to full-time gospel ministry. That was a term that had a lot of possibilities.

At the time, the pastorate was the assumption. Music ministry is not this Christian’s gift. My passion was for the written word. God could not use that. Or could he? Lesson plans have been conceived, drawn up, and used. They were not published, yet. Plays, skits, monologues, etc. have been created and performed. Once again they have not been published as yet. Articles have been written and published, but just in the past fifteen years.

Full-time does not necessarily mean that you make your living by it. As the road has taken a salesman to different locations, ministry has been accomplished. As others came to a purchasing agent or manager, the same has happened. Stories about these encounters are numerous. Some are shared in “Doulos”, others have yet to be written down. You may see these in later pieces.

Ministry by definition is difficult to pin down. A cup of cold water is a ministry. A kind word or listening ear may be another. A bowl of stew or other nourishment may be another way to serve some. A listening ear and shoulder to cry on is another way to help.

Another thing I have learned is that every believer is a minister. Accepting this call may seem difficult for many people. I remember the days when I could not speak to people without having my knees knock together. When I accepted the call to serve, I struggled with being the kind of person Jesus could use.

Because I expected to be bivocational, after college I went into secular business. Christians in the workplace can be good employees. They can also be available for prayer and listening to difficulties. Training is not needed for most of us to be friends.

Jesus told a parable about those invited to a wedding feast. When the servants returned to the groom’s father and said that none of the invited guests would come to the dinner, they were instructed to go into the highways and hedges and bring in anyone who would come. That may be your ministry. People from work or school need comfort or help. Those standing in line at Wal-Mart may need a smile or a “good” joke. Ministry is not hard, but it can be challenging. What is your challenge?

Marriage

October 4, 2023

Once again, I would like to give you my definition of an expert. Let’s break the word down. Ex means former or has been. The difficult part is the spert. It should be spelled spurt and is a big drip under pressure. That means that an expert is a has-been big drip under pressure. I don’t want to be one.

I will simply claim to be a long-time practitioner of marriage. I do not have all the answers. I’m not sure that after forty-seven years I know half of the questions. I think the key to keeping a marriage healthy is like anything else. Give it what it needs.

When Cindy and I became engaged, it was because I wanted to be with her more than anyone else. She was having a bad day and said that she did not believe anyone loved her. This feeling had not been caused by me. Later it would be my fault. This night it was not.

I told her that I loved her. She did not seem to believe me. We had been dating for a few months and this was not the first time I used that particular four-letter word. It is easy to say. It is much more difficult to prove. My evidence of my LOVE was to tell her that I wanted to marry her and spend my life with her.

She hugged me and kissed me and said yes. Today couples sometimes have elaborate proposals. They have engagement parties and lavish weddings. Many have already been living together and should know each other. I know couples who married after a child was born.

None of these things are any better than our way. We have stayed together this long because we are willing to work for it. Another of those dreaded four-letter words. What I mean by work is that we give each other what we need. We both need support, approval, companionship, and understanding. These things are not easy to do.

I must put myself in her shoes quite often and try to decide what I am doing wrong. She does the same thing. Neither of us can expect to have our own way. We make decisions together and most of the time we agree. If not, we make compromises.

We gave our daughters an example of how to do this thing called marriage. They seem to be figuring it out as well. I warned those men about what they were getting into. They can’t blame me that their wives act like women. I also gave the girls the best advice a father could. I told them that boys are scum.

Facebook won’t let me post that. I am the editor of my web page. I allow it. With this explanation. I did not want them to marry a boy. They needed a man. Maybe like me or maybe not like me. That was their choice. He needed to be a grown-up. And they did, also.

If you are having trouble in your marriage. Are you both acting like adults? Childishness can be fun. It can’t last our entire lives. Give your spouse what she or he needs. Start with those four; support, approval, companionship, and understanding.

If you have more to add to this list, do it in the comments. I will continue this conversation with you later. We all need to contemplate our strengths and weaknesses. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Where you want to be.

June 22, 2023

Like everyone else, I started out life as a baby. I ate, slept, and pooped my diapers. My mother would add that I screamed a lot for no good reason. They called that the colic. Today I am pushing seventy very hard. I can do much more than I once did and have learned what it is to be retired.

The problem is that most days I am simply tired from sunrise to sunset. It takes little to wear me out. I’ve always wanted to advance myself. I remember the books my older brothers brought home from school. Bud was in first grade and Kenny was in third grade. Kenny’s books were not much more difficult than Bud’s.

I learned this as I listened to them read and my first older brother studied his alphabet. He started with Dick and Jane books. I had those down two years later when I began first grade. That year my brothers were in the third and fourth grades respectively. Our oldest brother had to take the third grade a second time because of his reading.

Life had many choices. It also included tragedies. Mom lost a baby between Vanessa and I. I did not know the word miscarriage then. Dad finally had his daughter four years after me. President Kennedy was assassinated. I learned that word the hard way. My grandparents all died by the time I was ten.

In the fifth grade, I had no choice about studying Spanish. That was required in our school. How hard you worked at it was up to you. My best friend Rob and I did not agree completely on this. When we went to Junior high, I took Spanish, but he did not. That was where I met Vern. We took Spanish III as freshmen in high school.

Being in Spanish at Pipkin meant that I was not in the English class that met simultaneously. Those students produced our school newspaper. I learned Spanish because a good reporter needed more languages than English. Latin and French were the only other choices available in High School.

I chose my classes to prepare me for college. I selected the Missouri University Journalism School as a high school freshman. I had trouble speaking in front of crowds. Water Cronkite did not. I enrolled in speech during my sophomore year to overcome that deficiency.

I also had a typing class that year. And chemistry. That was just for fun. Junior year was when I had Journalism I and I was the feature editor my senior year. This was a disappointment. I wanted the editor position. Mrs. Backlund saw that my strength was in more creative writing.

I did not receive a scholarship to MU that year. I did receive a scholarship to Southwest Missouri State University in my hometown. My plans changed. Two years at SMSU as a creative writing major and then at J school at UMC. SMS had no journalism program.

During my sophomore year in college, my plans changed again. God called me to full-time Christian ministry. I thought that meant I would be a pastor. My three years in Speech and debate would be advantageous there. When the acceptance letter to Journalism school came, I ignored it. Instead, I transferred to Southwest Baptist College thirty miles north of Springfield in Bolivar, Missouri.

Two years there and I would go to seminary. That was not God’s plan either. My degree in Religion meant something to a few people in the business world. I knew nothing about workplace ministry then. I spent over forty years as a salesman, purchasing agent, and manager in many companies. At each position, my heart and ears were open to co-workers.

When you retire, everything changes. I can no longer be in the workforce due to health issues. How do you minister when there are no co-workers to serve? That is where these columns come into play. My desire to write has stayed with me. Now you are my congregation.

Continue to follow where I am going as I proceed to the place where God is leading me. It may be a winding road. I hope it will not be a roller coaster ride. I get sick on those.

Goodnight Reese

June 2, 2023

I have heard stories of why people live longer than animals. They are funny and interesting. My belief is that our pets come and stay with us and give us joy and love. They are allowed to die to teach us to deal with the loss of someone we love.

Whether it was that first goldfish that you ignored to death because you were too young to have a puppy or kitten. Or the hamster you were given on your birthday. Your first dog may have been the one that “followed” you home at the end of the rope you tied to them. Either way, they were yours.

She was a ball of fur when she came to live with us. The steps to the deck were too high for this tiny pup. After a few tries she had it down. The grands came that first weekend and they loved her. They gave her the name Reese. She was black and brown like a Reese’s cup.

For several years she was Lilly’s buddy. A year ago, we took in another dog that needed a new home. Biscuit was to be Reese’s friend when Lilly died. Now Lilly and Biscuit will learn to be the two dogs in our home.

I see the commercials wanting us to send money every month to support the ASPCA. We don’t do that. We bring an animal into our lives to love, protect, and cherish. In return, they provide love, protection, and admiration for us. I’ve heard it said that you can tell what kind of a person someone is by how their dog acts when they come home.

Reese was the first of the three at the door to the garage to greet us. She wanted to be on your lap or at your feet. She taught us about the “petting seat.” We had to housebreak her from pup hood, but she taught us so much more. She never met a person she did not want to love. Everyone at the front door was barked at. She went out the door to say hello and wagged her stubby tail to show how happy she was to see you.

Trila Kay was the first dog she noticed on the television. After that, the channel had to be changed when a show had dogs or even other animals on it that she wanted to come through the window and play with her.

She has had it rough for the last few months. All but four of her teeth had to be pulled and no antibiotic stopped the infection that those rotten teeth caused. Remember that even dogs need to have their teeth checked before they cause worse problems.

The last thing I did last night was lay her in her bean bag bed. At some point, she moved to the door to the deck as if she wanted to go outside. That was where Cindy found her when she realized she could not hear her labored breathing. She will be greatly missed.

I’ve been thinking about writing stories about all the animals we have cared for. Each had their own doganality or animality. Reece will be just one chapter of that book and she will not be the last to find herself there. God only knows how much more love He can send to our home.

A day of death and destruction

March 24, 2023

Today is March 24^th, 2023. On this day in history many tragedies took place. More than on any other day? Probably not. I have been reminded of some events that took place in previous years.

In Jonesboro Arkansas on this date in 1984, four students and a teacher were shot to death by two students at West Side Middle school. These boys also shot eleven other students. Why? They were bullies. They were not close friends until they began their plans to kill as many as they could from their school.

One boy had been dumped by his girlfriend a few days before. They had nine weapons and over 2,000 rounds of ammunition. As in other school attacks, the plan included setting up in the woods outside the building and pulling a fire alarm. Then they waited until the doors opened and their victims walked out and were ambushed.

We ask ourselves what could have been done to prevent deaths after every attack of this kind. If we take every gun away from everyone we can, others will steal weapons as these boys did and stage similar ambushes.

What happened after these deaths? The boys were taken into custody. They were tried for murder and kept in juvenile detention until they reached their state’s majority age. They were released and returned to society. Their records were sealed, and they lived under assumed names.

One was jailed and spent time in prison for robbery. He was again released and was killed a few years later in an accident that was not his fault. The other shooter is assumed to be alive and has not been identified for his earlier crimes. He may be your neighbor or even mine.

My question is, should what we do as children or teenagers be used against us as we age? We all make mistakes. I never did anything to get me arrested. While I might have been angry with others and thought about hurting them, I never have. We need to decide as a state and nation how to deal with young people who have problems with the way they react to others. Should murders be accepted from any age?

Is lax punishment for juveniles one of the causes of younger violent offenders? We must look at all sides of these offenses. I mentioned this was a day of death and destruction. This event in 1984 was not the only one for this calendar date.

The Exxon Valdez went aground in 1989 and spilled millions of gallons of crude oil on the Alaskan coast. It was the worst spill at that time. In 1999 thirty-nine died in a tunnel between France and Italy. The fire in the Mont Blonk Tunnel took two days to extinguish.

Harry Houdini was born in 1874. I add this fact to stop anyone from saying that this column is only about tragedies. Every day on the calendar has good times to remember and tragedies. Take each day as the Lord gives it to you and live it as He wants.

Prejudice

February 1, 2023

It is easy to define prejudice. Break it apart. Pre means before. Judice is a form of judging. If you judge people before you know them personally, you are prejudiced. We often confuse this with bigotry. Bigotry is like racism where prejudice is due to an easily identified reason.

Prejudice does not have to be related to race or nationality. I have no problems with you if you are of a different color, race, or culture. However, for those of you who do stupid things, I immediately put you in the stupid or dummy category.

The stupid things that I am referring to are the way you drive, the way you treat others, decisions that you make which hurt others, and similar actions that violate my personal ethics. Yes, this is harsh. I admit it. I base whether I trust you on how you think of others.

I am also prejudiced against those who prejudge people but believe that their biases are justified or nonexistent. I have been watching this take place for many years. Those who are bigoted against white Anglo-Saxons accuse every one of them of being racist. An example of this is the statement that African Americans are racial, not racist.

Those who condemn all law enforcement personnel because of those that hurt others without justification are also prejudiced. When you lump all Republicans into one group like Donald Trump you are prejudiced. The same thing is to believe that all Democrats are like the ones that you disagree with like Nancy Pelosi.

Let’s look at what our prejudices are. Any group that you do not trust, or do not like is the one that you are discriminating against. Be man or woman enough to admit that you are not perfect. We must admit that we are like everyone else. We make good and bad choices.

I am not perfect and guess what, you are not either. If you have been accused of being prejudiced, look at the circumstances. Some of the stupid people I have problems with may be affiliated with a minority. Others could interpret their appearance as the reason for my prejudice. Either way, I should get over my prejudice.

I’m working on that. Join me in trying to be a better person. Avoid making hasty decisions about what you think of everyone until you can make an informed decision about who they are. Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. peel off the hide and we are alike.

CHOCOLATE

January 27, 2023

As the Sunday School teacher for 7^th and 8th-grade boys, what they wanted to talk about on any given Sunday and what was in the curriculum supplied by the church was not the same thing. Do you discuss the topics of concern to these young men or follow a schedule set out by middle-aged men and women six to twelve months ago? That was always easy for me.

Often the topic of S-E-X would come up. They were curious. These were church boys. Their parents seldom talked to them about the subject unless they were forced to and then they got over it quickly. As a married father of first one, then two, and finally three children, in their eyes, I was an expert.

Let me pause here and explain what an expert is. My high school word study teacher was explaining to us students how to determine the meaning of an unfamiliar word. You break it into smaller portions and determine the meaning of it by combining the meaning of the parts. He said that ex means has been and that a spurt is a big drip under pressure. Therefore, an expert is a big drip under pressure.

I do not claim to be an expert on anything. I would listen to these young men and discuss what was of interest to them. When S.E.X. came up, I would tell them a story about when I was in junior high school and I stole a candy bar. The following day, I returned to the store and bought another snickers. When I gave the clerk enough to pay for two, she told me I gave her too much. That was when I informed her that I had taken one the day before and did not pay for it. She thanked me for correcting my mistake.

What does candy have to do with S.E.X.? I explained that there are correct and incorrect ways to do the same thing. It is not wrong to desire something like chocolate or sex. There is an appropriate method to go about each.

My stealing the candy was wrong. There is no excuse for what I did. God has commanded us to restrict sexual intercourse to one person to whom we are to be married. We may want to bypass that process. We need to accept that Jesus does not approve of this action. Our culture has changed during my lifetime. As a kid, TV shows never showed people who were not married having sex. Today it is accepted.

Movies and TV are promoting an illicit lifestyle by showing unmarried couples living together and having children. I don’t need to get into the reasons why children need a stable home life with two married parents. Everyone knows the tragedy of broken homes.

Back to chocolate. I told my students that they should say to their parents that we discussed chocolate if they asked what we talked about on those Sundays. One father asked me why his son said that we studied chocolate that week. I explained what it meant, and he thanked me for covering that subject with the guys.

In eighteen years, he was the only parent to even ask the question. Young people will only know what is acceptable by their parents or the Church telling them. Many have decided that we are old-fashioned in our position on this. I believe God’s commandments should be obeyed no matter what our culture accepts. I hope you agree with Him.

Pay Attention

January 25, 2023

I often mention to folks that I am so poor I can’t even pay attention. I also like to share with others that the main problems with America are ignorance and apathy, but I don’t know, and I don’t care. Yes, I understand that these are old jokes, and I don’t know how to tell a joke.

I want you to continue reading anyway because I am going to talk about a problem worse than gun violence. It has been a problem longer than Covid-19 and has been like the frog in the pot. You do not know about the frog? You cannot boil a frog as you do pasta. You must put him in the pot first. Add lukewarm water and turn the heat on low. If nothing scares him, he sits there and boils to death.

Yes, we are frogs, and this perpetual problem is not getting any better. Many years ago, I started telling people that we needed to change laws to make this problem more manageable. What kills all these innocent people, and our society does not want to take any steps to try to control it?

The problem is driving while under the influence. When I began complaining about this situation it was mostly drunk drivers. I witnessed an accident involving such a driver. I gave my contact information to the police and the victims. I was at the court for the trial and a plea bargain was made.

What angered me was the fact that it was his third offense of this type. He also did not have a valid driver’s license. The car he was in was not his. A friend had given him permission to drive. Witnesses had to stop him and a passenger from walking or staggering away from the accident.

What can be done to stop these offenses? On the first arrest, they should be required to spend time in public service. Preferably in a hospital or clinic that serves those injured in automobile accidents. They need to be shown what their actions cause. They should also be obliged to attend therapy sessions. If they complete this, they should be allowed to drive again with a device on the car that prevents it from starting if they are intoxicated.

The second offense should carry more public service and therapy. A longer suspended or revoked period on the driver’s license. Driving without a valid license should include permanent confiscation of the vehicle they are driving. The machine should be sold, and the proceeds used to compensate victims of these types of collisions. If they are not the owners, the police should look for a stolen vehicle report. Anyone who allows a DUI recipient to use their car should be warned that if it happens a second time, they will lose their transportation.

A third offense should require mandatory jail time and permanent exclusion from driving. We must stop being lenient on these offenses. Our legislature should be required to enact stricter laws on driving under the influence. This is even more important now that the recreational use of marijuana has been legitimized.

If legislators do not vote for increased penalties these folks should be removed from their positions. We also should investigate their background and stop them from being reelected, if there is any inappropriate use of alcohol or other substances. Those who would have reason to fear these restrictions do not need to be responsible for putting them in place. Stop the stupidity.

Falling in love

January 21, 2023

“I don’t love her anymore. I don’t remember when I did.” This is a line from “The Twilight Zone” episode that is titled “The Trouble with Templeton”. Actor Booth Templeton expresses his disdain to his servant about the current Mrs. Templeton’s dalliance and speculates on what his life would be like if his first wife had not died so young.

The episode ends when his first wife and best friend ask him to go back to where he came from. A disappointing end to time travel reminds us that we must continue to live even when life seems hard. Time travel is a common vehicle on this sci-fi anthology series from the 1960s.

The questions this brought to my mind were do we love because we must, or do we love because we want to? Love is a choice. Love is a verb. These are phrases you may have read in my articles before. It also is not an emotion as many believe.

The term making love is a misnomer, as well. Love is not a noun. It is not something that you can create. The proper term is having sex. There are other phrases that you can use without stating the acronym for the full use of carnal knowledge.

I have heard people using this excuse for divorce by saying they are no longer in love with their spouse. Men and women both reason their desire to end the relationship by this logic. Sometimes lack of sex is considered the indication they are no longer loved. Sex and love have no correlation.

Physical touch is one of the “Five Love Languages” talked about in Dr. Gary Chapman’s books. This demonstration of love is not always expressed through sexual contact. Couples continue to love and experience love when they no longer express their commitment through intercourse.

I will speak about the definition of this word in another column or series of columns. As you know, sometimes I have more to say about a subject than will fit into one piece. Keep in mind that much of what I share with you is not original to me.

I read a great deal. I research through files that I have collected over the last fifty years. Would you believe that I have maintained all my college class notes? I do use the internet; I like to fall back on older research materials.

The Bible is one of my favorite resources. I do not always quote chapters and verses when using the information and wisdom it provides. I am one of those oddballs that believe in the validity of scripture. It says that God is love and those who follow Christ are to love as He did. After all, He is God.

Paul tells us in his letters in the New Testament to love our spouses, children, and everyone that we know. Even the Old Testament commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Jesus said this was the second most important of the commandments we received from the Hebrews.

Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Walk With a Servant

Category: Let’s talk about