Tag: Communication

Five who will not listen to you

March 5, 2026

Let me tell you who these are. Your cat. Any cat, really. Cats do not listen except to their name or a door opening or maybe a can opener. They have very sensitive ears. They simply do not understand words. They comprehend petting and playing. They know who feeds them and is supposed to clean their litter box. Don’t do this and they will remind you.

Do you ever complain that your children don’t listen? Again, this is not just yours. Youngsters in general have difficulty following instructions. They are people after all. Once again, they respond to love and play. Speak the language they understand and they will comprehend. Yell at them or criticize them and they will not.

They also do not respond to being ignored. If you have ever had a child ask a question that you did not know the answer to or want to respond to at that moment, they will continue to press you. Just like a hungry cat. Give them what they want, and they will leave you alone, momentarily.

Bosses are others that will not listen unless you are saying what they want to hear. When they ask what you think, they do not necessarily want that answer. Some are not sure that their employees can think. Thinking is what they are paid for, and many are overpaid.

When they ask what you think of the concept they have just given to you, they may only want agreement. Give it to them. “Is this a good idea?” Do not say no. Say that it is and immediately add whatever your suggestion to improve on it is. Say it slowly and clearly. Then shut up.

If they want comments, they will accept what you say. If not, avoid confrontation and wait a while. Soon their thoughts may alter. I have often made suggestions, been told they were bad ideas, and left the discussion there. Later the concepts I expressed became the boss’s new directives and were implemented.

Do not try to take credit for their own brainstorms, you’ll get washed away. It is now their idea no matter how much you try to reason them out of it. Take the win. What needed to be done got done. When you become the boss, remember what they did and do not repeat their error.

Both husbands and wives are accused of not listening. That is correct. We all have selective deafness. We are only grownup children after all. The truth is that this malady is not limited to a sex or age group. We really should not limit this to just these five groups.

Politicians are the last of the five. The reason I say this is because I have listened to interviews with them for over fifty years. Most of the time their answers to questions do not answer those inquiries. They may have to deal with the topic but seldom provide an adequate response.

Work on your listening skills. Practice stopping what you are doing when your spouse or kids are trying to get your attention. We all need to concentrate on our communication skills. Listening is an essential part of our relationships. Don’t be one of the sixth group, those who do not care.

©Copyright 2026 by Charles Kensinger

Men are dogs

November 24, 2025

Have you heard of the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?” In his book, John Gray uses this phrase to denote that males and females are from different cultures. Sometimes I think that we take the whole opposite sex theme a little too far. I believe this is what causes some to decide that they were born the wrong sex.

I’m not going to write the book “Men are dogs and women are cats,” but this column will be part of the chapter by that name in my book “Douloi Marriage.” What I mean by this is that they are very different, even though they can cohabit the same space.

Cindy and I have had cats and dogs in our house together over the years. We all know the phrase “fighting like cats and dogs.” There is also the weather report “raining cats and dogs.” Dogs and cats are two of the most popular domesticated pets.

Right now, Essa, the cat, is asleep on Cindy’s lap, and Biscuit, the dog, is relaxing next to them on the couch. I am on my laptop on the other end. One big happy family. Dog and cat, man and woman, are getting along quite well.

How are these four different? Dogs are often raised gently with humans and get used to being trained and loved. Cats can be as well. Our dog is like this. Our cat came from the Humane Society and was a rescue that did not like people or our dog.

Several months of living with us have changed this. This is where I want to compare her adjustment to what needs to be done in a marriage. We gave her the space and time that she needed. For a couple of months, she hid most of the day. She came out to eat and went to the box.

Let’s relate this to how communication in a marriage should work. When we first marry, we come from different cultures and environments. We each have fears and expectations. I was raised in a two-parent home. We had our share of problems, but we overcame them. Cindy was from a single-parent home.

She also had never met her father or had a father figure, other than her oldest brother, around the house. She had no idea how a wife should react to her husband. I knew to duck when the wife threw dishes. That was something my mom had done.

Cindy did not cook. I did. I also had been trained by my mom to do laundry, clean house, and many other womanly chores. Cindy learned all these things and how to mow and work on remodeling jobs. She paints with a roller better than I, and I get to cut in around the ceilings.

The point I am trying to make is that you find each other’s strengths. Do not even look at the weaknesses. Find ways to work together. Do what you are good at and teach them if they wish to learn. Husbands and wives do not expect the other one to do what they do not wish to do. Share those chores together.

©Copyright 2025 by Charles Kensinger

Animalities

March 24, 2025

You’ve never heard of this word? What about doganality or catanality? The dictionary definition is “quality or nature associated with animals.” My explanation is much simpler.

People have personalities. Animals have animalities. Dogs have doganalities and cats have catanalities. For people, the word explains how they act and their characteristics. We often refer to our pets as having personalities.

We want them to be like us. We try to attribute our feelings and emotions to them. Think about what it would be like if we did the same thing in reverse. Cats are said to be stuck on themselves and self-focused. Do you know any people who act like cats? I can think of a few.

Would you describe anyone as being as faithful as a dog? We talk about those who are as clever as foxes or wise as owls. Why not loyalty like a canine. Is every dog as faithful as any others? No, some are trained to be mean or angry on command. This type of education can backfire on the owner or trainer.

Have you ever heard of catting around? Both men and women can have this attribute. Are you doggedly determined to accomplish your goals? Men can be described as the same.

I have read a lot of books over the years about how to communicate in a marriage relationship. “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.” “The Five Love Languages.” “I’m O.K. You’re O.K.” These are just a few. These deal with reasons why men and women have difficulty in communicating.

I am in full agreement with these authors. However, I believe that we also need to point out that some people have their own personalities. These peculiarities can make it hard for their spouses to communicate with them.

Even our pets can be different. My cat loves to fight when she plays. Other cats we had were laid back. She is inquisitive and adventurous. We have a dog that can be described as a scaredy dog. He is a good watchdog that is very protective.

Just like cats, some people want to do what they want to do. Some might call this selfishness. Have you heard the saying, “It is like herding cats.” Cats and some people will do their own thing and not ask your permission.

One of the dogs’ dominant traits is their faithfulness. Many believe that this is a God-given trait. We have had several pets over the years, not just dogs and cats but also guinea pigs, gerbils, and many other species. There is something about these two types that is unique. We have had dogs and cats at the same time. They got along fine. Sometimes, it just took time for them to learn how to deal with each other.

The main secret is that they learned to respect and appreciate each other. That is what it takes to be a real family: growing to know who you are as a person and who the other person is. This is called intimacy—not sexual intimacy. It is spiritual.

Conversation and communication are essential to this kind of relationship. Remember that even the most different individuals can become friends and much more. It is work, but it is worth it.

©Copyright 2025 by Charles Kensinger