Love – Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

“It just doesn’t happen twice.”

March 27, 2026

This is a line from the movie “Sleepless in Seattle” that is uttered by Tom Hanks, whose character has lost his wife to cancer. He is talking about love that results in a once-in-a-lifetime marriage. Some refer to this as your soulmate. I do not find this concept ever presented in scripture.

Many of the Bible characters that I admire have had multiple relationships that worked. Abrahm and Sarai are an epic. He’s not the perfect husband. She sticks with him even when he wimps out, and not just once. By the time Jehovah renames them to Abraham and Sarah, his faith has grown, and she has learned to trust her husband and God.

After the birth of Isaac and the death of Sarah, Abraham finds other wives and has more children. Those relationships are also important. Their children are the ancestors of many of the Arab nations that hate the Jews.

David’s first wife is the daughter of Saul, who was rewarded for killing Goliath. Read the stories of Abigail and Bethsheba and others. Then there is the last woman in his life. Her one purpose is to keep him warm at night. There is no sexual desire. There is no marriage. She’s a bed warmer. A companion.

As our lives progress, we have many types of love. There are flaming romances. We all experience friendships with others, in both genders. Love can be for both men and women for both men and women because sex is not love. One is physical, and the other is not.

There is brotherly love, which can also be called sisterly love. This is a friendship that is cultivated by those who have it. We need more people who treat others like family. That is the essence of this type of love.

Next, we should talk about the love of parents for children and vice versa. Some believe that this is normal for everyone. It is not. Some children are given up by their birth parents because they do not want them. There are also cases where one parent will leave. Often, this is a problem between the couple. Sometimes it is just selfishness that overrides love.

Jesus tells us that the one attribute we Christians should have is love. Jehovah told the Hebrews to love their neighbor as they love themselves. One man asked Jesus who his neighbor was. Do you remember the answer? He did not say it was the people next door or across the street.

He told a story that many people have heard, even if they have never read the Bible. It is called the Good Samaritan. Samaritans were hated by the Israelites. They lived in what had been the ten northern tribes that rebelled against Solomon’s son.

The kicker of this is that the Samaritan rescued a Jew who had been attacked and left for dead. Jesus also mentioned that a Priest and a Levite saw the injured man and crossed the road to go around him. When our savior spoke of love, it was agape, not any of the human loves. This type of love must happen more than just once.

My boys and girls

March 26, 2026

I have often written about my eighteen years of teaching youth at Hamlin Church. Before that, I taught fifth and sixth-grade boys there, as well. I have been a children’s church director on two different occasions while at Hamlin. It has been my church home for over forty years.

My reason for this column is to thank all the men and women that I have had the pleasure of serving over the past fifty or more years as a leader in churches. I spent one summer in Pennsylvania and eighteen months in Joplin, MO, and the balance of this time here in Springfield, MO.

I can cite the names of some of the hundreds of kids and young people that I worked with as a leader, teacher, and minister. You are all my kids. I see some of you frequently, and some I have not visited in person for over fifty years. I’ll tell you about the recent ones.

There was Jason, Ryan, Mendy, Jody, Matt, Michael, Kara, Herschell, Kevin, Brandon, Gina, Cara, Stephanie, and others. I am so proud of all these individuals, as well as the ones that I have not seen for too many years. Some of them are doctors, nurses, teachers, ministers, businessmen and women, and in practically every profession you can imagine.

I cannot count the number of men and women that I have had the privilege of serving. I’ve been a teacher, friend, mentor, and supporter as they learned and grew. I’ve worked with their parents, grandparents, and families to encourage them to become the wonderful parents and grandparents they are today.

To say that I am proud of them is an understatement. My part was very minimal in their lives. They were under my tutelage for only a couple of years, but I have followed them as they have grown, been educated, married, and had children. Some are better known to me than others. All of them have made me proud to know them.

We have three daughters, three sons-in-law, and twelve grandchildren that I am also extremely proud of. My love for them is unbounded. My ministry is not over, and it will continue until my health restricts me or Jesus calls me home.

Love languages

March 14, 2026

Have you been hearing all the things about love languages lately? There is a cereal commercial where a lady states that her love language is Portuguese when they say that this cereal is someone else’s love language. Then another guy is talking about insurance, and a woman says he is speaking her love language.

Let’s talk about what is meant by a love language. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The Five Love Languages in 1992.” The five things that he refers to as love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

It has become so popular that not only are they making fun of it, they are also mentioning it on talk shows, situation comedies, and I even saw an episode of “Blue Bloods” where they discussed it seriously. There have even been magazine articles that discussed the book.

I’ve read one of the many knockoffs that have been published to try to profit from an idea in a book that was just written to help couples. Dr. Chapman is a Christian counselor who is not motivated by money. As an author, I understand how the publishing industry works. One best sellers generates thousands of copycats hoping to score some bucks.

Look at the racks in any store. Which authors or topics are available where you shop? How many are alike? Have you watched when new movies and TV shows premiered? Does it occur to you that when someone has an idea that makes a lot of money, others try to catch their coattails?

Let’s talk about the real love languages Gary shows us. Words of affirmation are just speaking positively to the people you care about. Do not criticize them or call them names. Don’t do this to those you do not like, and not to someone you love.

Time is fleeting, and we all only have twenty-four hours in a day. When we were dating, I wanted as much time with Cindy as I could have. When I was away from her for ten weeks that first summer, I decided never to do that again, and I didn’t.

Receiving gifts does not have to be a new car or jewelry like the commercials tell you. Dr. Chapman explains that a single flower, or a note on the mirror, the pillow, or in the lunch bag, will say “I love you.”

If you’ve read my memoir, Doulos, you know that I am into being a servant. This is not my love language, but it is my ministry. In the book I am writing, “Douloi Marriage,” I give examples of why and how husbands and wives can and should be servants.

One thing I did when my wife was a stay-at-home mom was to cook on the weekends. Now I am the chief cook and bottle washer full-time and have been, since I retired and Cindy was still employed.

This last one can be a little tricky for some couples. We men often want to take the least touch from our wives, or that she will allow us to give to her as an invitation for sex. This is not what is meant by physical touch. It can be important to the person whose love language is touch, or it may not be.

A kiss, a hug, holding hands, an arm around them when you are sitting together, your head in their lap, or their head on your shoulder can be enough to express your love. Discover their love language and speak it often. Or use all five and see which they respond to the most.

Spiritual fruit

March 10, 2026

Can I tell you that I do not mind being called fruity, if you are referring to the fruit of the spirit? These are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. As a Christian, this is how we should measure ourselves. Don’t fall into the trap of being judgmental. It is easy to do.

Galatians 5:22 begins with love. It is interesting that Paul also includes patience as the first attribute of love in First Corinthians 13 when he defines Agape’ for us. Kindness is also included in that list. I think he is trying to tell me something. Patience and kindness are important. We should not ignore the other parts of love. No envying, rudeness, selfishness, irritability, or resentment are also part of how God loves us.

Joy and peace are two words to look at more closely. Happiness is fleeting. Joy is also temporary if we let it be. Fruitful joy is hard to accomplish without Holy Spirit. Joy does not mean that you never have a bad day. When things are not going your way, joy lets you realize that things will become better. We let our minds betray us into thinking that our life is bad when it is just life.

Peace also can elude those who work without Him. It is not the absence of conflict. It is the presence of love and joy. Do you accept what the Lord has given you? Paul tells us to give thanks in all things. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) He also states in Philippians 4:11 that he has learned to be content. Notice the use of the word learned. Contentment is something we must also train ourselves to have.

Patience is the most difficult thing for me. “Lord, give me patience and give it to me now, it is what I usually pray. That prayer may miss the mark. Be careful about asking for it. His answer will continually test you. Patience is hard because we live in an instant society. We have our phones with us and can call, text, or check the internet thousands of times a day. I grew up at a time when we did not even have a home phone.

We all know how to be kind, good, and gentle. These may need to be tweaked by the Spirit. Follow His guidance, and you will arrive quicker. Again, these need to be intentional. We know what to do; we just need to be reminded to do it all day long. Practice it, and it will become as automatic as breathing or your heartbeat.

Self-control is another tough one. Notice that the word control follows self, indicating who should be in control. For Christians, we can hand this job over to Holy Spirit, if we will let Him take leadership of our lives. That becomes easier the more you do it.

I desire that you all become fruitier as I try to do the same. I mentioned judgment earlier. Let’s avoid that and try for discernment. (1 Corinthians 12:7-11) This is one of the gifts of the Spirit. You cannot have these gifts if your spirit is still dead. A relationship with Jesus is needed for the rebirth of your spirit. (John 3:1-21) After you start that relationship, the fruits will appear if you cultivate them.

A Day for Love

February 14, 2026

Today is Valentine’s Day. This is the day we celebrate love. We are asked what love is, and we have difficulty answering that question.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NIV

Yes, this is from The Bible. Do you believe what Paul says in this passage? Is love really that important? The question remains, “What is love?” It is not a feeling or an emotion. Say it with me, “I love you.” I am a word nerd. Break the sentence down. I is the subject, you is the object, Love is the verb.

Let’s let Paul define it for us. First Corinthians goes on in the fourth verse, “⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails.” NIV

Get it? This is the kind of love that Yahweh God has for us. The Greek word is Agape. You are probably thinking of another Greek word that we translate as love, Eros. Our word erotic comes from that word. It is not what most of us want when we think of love on Valentine’s Day.

We want our valentine to cherish us, care more about us than anyone else does. Those of us who are married wanted that on our wedding day. For some of us, it did not last. Are you in love with your spouse as much as you were on that day?

I must confess that I am not. Today, I am more in love with Cindy than I was fifty years ago. Many of you have not lived for fifty years. Our daughters have not. Does that surprise you that we were married before we had children? For celebrities and other influencers now, this is not the norm. It was for us and our parents and grandparents.

You decided that this person was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You did not move in with them or spend the night or the weekend. You said, “I do,” and you meant it and kept your promise. We agreed to stay together in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, and we have.

It hasn’t been easy. Love is hard work. “Love is a choice.” Read the book. Not just the one by that name, but the one I mentioned earlier. Read the Bible. That is where I find my answers. You can as well. You must read it to see them. Or you can follow and subscribe here, and I will continue to share what I have read from it. The choice is yours.

True love is worth it

January 26, 2026

You may get tired of hearing me talk about things that I have heard on rom coms. I am married, and this is something that Cindy and I do together. We also make quilts, do home renovations, shop, and visit our grandchildren together. I DVR movies just for me that are not romantic comedies. I get to watch these by myself.

I wanted to speak of true love. Can you define what love is? It is not an emotion. It is not a hole that you fall into. It is something that you choose to do. You love someone that you want to love. Some people get married and then divorce because they do not love their spouse anymore. That is a decision they make.

I hope you have not experienced this. I know some whose marriages ended because their spouse did not want to be married anymore. Everyday Cindy and I decide that we want to love each other. Sometimes this may not be an easy decision for you and your spouse.

That means that we want to be together. We want to be kind and patient. We decide to treat each other as we want to be treated. We stay faithful to each other. We do not have to be together all the time, and we do not have to agree on everything. We do have to decide to go out of our way to get along.

Most couples who have been married for twenty-five or more years feel this way. Feeling trapped after you have been married for five or ten years is normal. What you need to do is determine whether you will stay together. When Cindy and I were married, our wedding vows included “till death do us part.”

We also promised to stay together “for better or worse, in sickness or in health.” Many modern vows I have read in the last forty years do not cover these things. Flowery language is more about a spiritual type or physical form of love, and not a true or lasting love.

Sex is not lasting. Satisfying lust will not sustain you. The next time you and your spouse or live-in have a disagreement, discuss whether you intend to stay together. If you have children together, think of them. Children of parents who do not stay together have emotional problems. They have problems at school and at home. Consider how your relationship will impact them.

I am asked whether I thought Cindy and I would ever divorce. My reply is, “No.” I feel that way because I had no desire to take the easy way out. When we have difficulties, I want to solve them. I am willing to take second place in my family’s lives. Nothing is as important to me as our girls and their mom.

Douloi Marriage

December 16, 2025

Love potion no. 1

November 14, 2025

Do you recognize the song “Love Potion No. Nine?” It originated in 1959, recorded by The Clovers and returned in 1964 by The Searchers when it reached #2 and #3 on the charts. Many other groups have released it. A young man goes to a gypsy and asks for something to improve his love life.

The question I have is “What is Love?” Is it a feeling? Can you get someone to love you if they do not want to? Can you fall in and out of love? These are questions that a lot of people have asked over the years.

Just so you know, I am talking about the Biblical view of the word agape’ that is translated in the King James Version (KJV) of the scriptures. There are five words in the Greek language that are translated love. I like to transliterate, which means I will be substituting agape’ for love in the verses I relate to you.

I will try not to confuse you with this substitution. One of the most used definitions of agape is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, where it says that love is patient, love is kind.

My question when someone asks me if they are in love is, “Are you patient with them?” Patience is what few of us have with others. If we want patience, we want it right now. That is counterproductive. When you are loved with Godly love, they will wait on you to speak, to make decisions, and to meet them in places.

If they are impatient, it is not agape that they have toward you. I started to say, if they feel agape’ love, but agape’ is not an emotion. It is an action. The D.C. Talk song “Love is a Verb” talks about this kind of love. “I don’t care what you say. I don’t care what you’ve heard. Love, love, love is a verb.”

Saying something three times shows that your thought is complete. There is nothing else to say about that. Right, Forest? I often use the phrase, “God said it, I believe it, that settles it.” Three phrases complete the thought.

Another question I like to ask is, “Are you kind to them?” That usually generates a weird look and/or a “huh.” God’s type of love is the one where you want to be kind. Not the one where you use them or take advantage of them. They are not your possession. You love a friend with agape’ love. The love that most of us think of is the Greek word Eros. This is sex. I’ve talked about lust before. That is not love; it is physical desire.

If sex is what you thought this column was about, you were wrong. I am sorry, you do not need my instruction in how to sex more often or with someone new. That is not who I am. I want you to have a better relationship with either a husband or a wife or people you have nonsexual relationships with.

That is the end of Love Potion no. 1. We will continue with what love is as no. 2. Those contain, “It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I know I may have lost some of you with patience and kindness. You may not want to come back for the next dose of God’s love potion.

Love in thirty days

October 31, 2025

We just watched another Christmas rom-com in which a couple who start out disagreeing about everything decide they are in love in thirty days or less. This is not reality, or is it? Some believe in love at first sight. There is also the concept of “falling in love.”

Cindy and I began dating in October. By the time I left in June of the next year, we were engaged. That was fifty years ago. Was it love at first sight? No. I realized I loved her after a few weeks and asked her to marry me because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

I asked her out because I liked her. I guess you could say it was like at first sight. The more I got to know her, the more I enjoyed being with her. I decided to love her because I could not imagine my life without her in it. That took longer than thirty days. Not much more, that may be true.

We did not start fighting or disliking each other. We have our squabbles and disagreements from time to time. I learned this from living in a family where love was exhibited every day. Mom and Dad also had disagreements. I remember Mom throwing dishes at my father once.

Romantic comedies, either in movies, TV, or books, must include certain elements of storytelling. Real life may be your story, but it does not have the plot points and character traits that we include in fiction. Life is life, and fiction is fiction. Romance is not necessarily what an author or script writer thinks that it is.

Love is what a couple desires it to be between themselves. What you consider romantic or loving in your relationships may be different from what others would call these descriptors. Dr. Gary Chapman defined five love languages in his books. These methods of communicating love are not accepted by everyone.

Some show love by words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, or physical touch. There have been jokes made about what a love language is. Portuguese is not a love language mentioned by Dr. Chapman.

You and your spouse may have a different story from ours. If you believe that you “fell in love” at “first sight,” I would like to hear your story. Comment below to share it with me. If you do not wish to share it with my readers, include that in your comment, and I will not release it to anyone else.

The minus

October 27, 2025

Everywhere I look everything seems to be adding a plus. Me-TV+, Hallmark+, and savings plus are just a few of them. This is supposed to show you that something has been added that was not there before. It is better than what has previously been available.

Our society is always wanting the next big thing. New, better, best is what we are always craving. Faster, easier, and quicker are all things that we look for. It occurs to me that what we really need is what we once had. My 1966 Chevy was the best car I ever drove.

Why? It wasn’t just what it had; it was what it did not have. It did not have all the gizmos and gadgets that we need today. All it had was power and the ability to take me where I needed to go fast. It was also the first car I drove that had seat belts. That was the epitome’ of safety for the time.

Maybe what we need most is not more but less. Take away what is not good for us and continue to be what we knew was good. Missouri passed a law that allows sports gambling. We also approved abortion and labor changes that our state officials want to overturn. They think we need more of what they want and less of what we want.

Walk back with me to the things that our grandparents believed in. Mine knew there was a God and that Jesus was His son and that the Holy Spirit could take up residence in our lives. About fifty years ago, I decided to accept that this was true. I’ve lived my life the way the spirit has instructed me as well as I have been able to.

I have had setbacks, but most of my life has been better than I ever imagined. I am not one of those that goes overboard and eliminates modern conveniences from my life. My wife and I have smart phones that link to our car that we drive so that we do not violate current Missouri law.

I like our two air-fryers, microwave oven, and laptop computers. Our house also has a fireplace, skylight, and a landline. We have security on our Wi-Fi, phones, computers, and tablets to prevent hacking. There are so many new things that we do not have. We do not have the systems that we can just talk to and play music or make phone calls.

I enjoy my smart phone because it allows me to read a book anytime I have a few minutes to spare. I also have an audiobook app that I use to increase my ability to read more. Reading is one thing that I do not want less of. Adding people to your life is a plus. Adding things is a minus.

When was the last time you added a new friend? I like to talk to people. Some people don’t do that as easily as I do. Take a chance and talk to someone new. You may find out that you are the kind of person who people want to talk to.

Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Walk With a Servant

Tag: Love