Marriage – Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

And then there was one

May 10, 2026

No, I did not misquote the name of a famous Agatha Christy novel and movie. She is the last of the Clemens clan, belonging to James and Gertrude from Webster County, Missouri. She is my aunt. She has twelve siblings who made it to adulthood. Currently, we call her Aunt Amanda. I will save her the embarrassment of telling you what her parents and siblings used to call her.

As the years progress and we lose first one and then another of the cousins and someday the last of the Clemens sisters, I want to take this Mother’s Day to honor my Mom, Mary. We are cheered by the memories and encouraged that even more are in store for our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

I could tell you about my mother’s sisters and brothers, and I have in my book “Doulos.” You can read it as a paid subscriber to my premium materials. Whom I want to write about today is my mother.

Her name is Mary Francis Clemens Kensinger, which I know makes us sound like we are not true Americans. We are, and she began her life with the first three on this list. When she and Evan Kensinger were married, she, like 99% of her generation, took his last name. When you read that I have an Uncle Sam and say his pen name is Mark Twain, it is because she is a Clemens.

Our daughters and the other grandchildren called her Granny. When I was a kid, she talked about Irene Ryan, who played Daisy Moses on “The Beverly Hillbillies,” and when our oldest was born, she said she would be Granny. I completely understood why.

Mom was one of the reasons I know how to be a good parent and spouse. I received my share of spankings and other discipline types over the years, but I noticed that my sister and I were not given corporal punishment as often as our older brothers. We tried to follow that example with our girls. We spanked from time to time when we thought it was required.

Mom and Dad demonstrated what it meant to love with the Agape’ love of Jehovah as Paul describes. They were patient, kind, and faithful to each other. Mom demonstrated that to me often, no more so than when she described a conversation with one of Dad’s doctors.

Dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was in high school, and Mom would take him to the hospital whenever his medication needed to be changed. This was a constant with that disease. Once she told me that she told the doctor that she was done. He asked her if she meant she wanted a divorce. Her response was, “Of course not.”

She said that what she meant was that she was done with dealing with the return of the symptoms and had delayed bringing him back as long as she felt was best. I never knew about this, and it was one of many things she confessed to me after he had passed away.

Thank you, Mom, for all you gave Cindy and I. Our marriage has been blessed by your example, and I work every day to love Cindy and our daughters the way you loved Dad and us kids. Thank you for the book title, also.

WEDDINGS

April 23, 2026

Do you like weddings? I do. That is why I have married several different women. No, it isn’t what you think. Cindy is my first and only wife, but I have officiated at many wedding ceremonies for friends and, in some cases, people I did not know until I was asked to celebrate their marriage with them.

The first was Eldon, who was the store manager at the Wendy’s restaurant in Joplin, MO. Cindy and I moved there two weeks after our wedding. I worked at that restaurant from May of that year until September, when I left the Wendy’s of Southwest Missouri family.

Eldon and one of our employees had decided to get married. They were going to have the wedding at her church, but for some reason, her pastor was unable to officiate at the ceremony. Eldon asked if I was legal to perform weddings. At that time, Missouri laws were much stricter about who could officiate a wedding. I checked and found that you did not have to be ordained but only licensed to the ministry, which I was.

That was my first. I have done weddings for my brother Sam and his wife, my sister-in-law Sharon, my cousin Troy and his wife Coleen. I was even able to help another friend I worked with one Valentine’s Day. She had told me that they wanted to get married and had even gotten the marriage license.

On Valentine’s Day, she told me they were going to get married that day. Larry, her fiancé, was at the courthouse trying to find a judge to officiate at the ceremony. I told her to let me know if that did not work out. Later that day, she came back to my office and asked if I could help. We had the wedding that afternoon, and every year on Valentine’s Day, I wish them a happy anniversary.

Not every marriage that I have helped to begin has lasted this long. One may not have made it as long as celebrity weddings. The day after the ceremony, the bride called and asked if I could tear up the marriage license. The copy I left with had already been mailed to the county recorder. I always drop them in a mailbox when I go home after the wedding. I can be fined if it isn’t postmarked within a certain period. She asked what she could do, and I told her she would need to call a lawyer if they could not work it out.

I had only been able to have one counseling session with them because of the time crunch they were in. After that, I was skeptical about officiating at weddings for people I do not know. Since my second daughter was married and I performed their ceremony, I have not done a wedding. Their oldest daughter turns nineteen this year.

Marriage is not what it once was. Today, in Missouri, a twenty-one-year-old and a seventeen-year-old cannot be married even with parental consent. That apparently isn’t important to anyone but me. Cindy was seventeen, and I was the dirty old man of twenty-one when we were married in Springfield, MO, and her mother signed our marriage license.

This is the reason that my state representative will not have my vote this year. He voted for that bill. You may ask why I am so adamant about this. Laws were already in place that prevented parents from filing statutory rape charges for a child who was seventeen and had sex with someone of majority age. Now, the parents of this same person do not have the right to authorize a wedding. To me, that is sanctioning promiscuity.

“It just doesn’t happen twice.”

March 27, 2026

This is a line from the movie “Sleepless in Seattle” that is uttered by Tom Hanks, whose character has lost his wife to cancer. He is talking about love that results in a once-in-a-lifetime marriage. Some refer to this as your soulmate. I do not find this concept ever presented in scripture.

Many of the Bible characters that I admire have had multiple relationships that worked. Abrahm and Sarai are an epic. He’s not the perfect husband. She sticks with him even when he wimps out, and not just once. By the time Jehovah renames them to Abraham and Sarah, his faith has grown, and she has learned to trust her husband and God.

After the birth of Isaac and the death of Sarah, Abraham finds other wives and has more children. Those relationships are also important. Their children are the ancestors of many of the Arab nations that hate the Jews.

David’s first wife is the daughter of Saul, who was rewarded for killing Goliath. Read the stories of Abigail and Bethsheba and others. Then there is the last woman in his life. Her one purpose is to keep him warm at night. There is no sexual desire. There is no marriage. She’s a bed warmer. A companion.

As our lives progress, we have many types of love. There are flaming romances. We all experience friendships with others, in both genders. Love can be for both men and women for both men and women because sex is not love. One is physical, and the other is not.

There is brotherly love, which can also be called sisterly love. This is a friendship that is cultivated by those who have it. We need more people who treat others like family. That is the essence of this type of love.

Next, we should talk about the love of parents for children and vice versa. Some believe that this is normal for everyone. It is not. Some children are given up by their birth parents because they do not want them. There are also cases where one parent will leave. Often, this is a problem between the couple. Sometimes it is just selfishness that overrides love.

Jesus tells us that the one attribute we Christians should have is love. Jehovah told the Hebrews to love their neighbor as they love themselves. One man asked Jesus who his neighbor was. Do you remember the answer? He did not say it was the people next door or across the street.

He told a story that many people have heard, even if they have never read the Bible. It is called the Good Samaritan. Samaritans were hated by the Israelites. They lived in what had been the ten northern tribes that rebelled against Solomon’s son.

The kicker of this is that the Samaritan rescued a Jew who had been attacked and left for dead. Jesus also mentioned that a Priest and a Levite saw the injured man and crossed the road to go around him. When our savior spoke of love, it was agape, not any of the human loves. This type of love must happen more than just once.

Wouldn’t it be nice

January 30, 2026

“Wouldn’t it be nice” is just one of many songs from my childhood and youth that are currently used in today’s media. This one is found in a commercial. This is a Beach Boys tune that has a young man speaking to his girl, talking about how great it would be to be older and be able to be an adult. How many movies have we seen about kids who are suddenly adults?

I’d like to take this idea to its justifiable fruition. When I was listening to this song as a teenager, I wanted to someday get married and have a family. Not until after I graduated from college and was on my way to becoming a journalist.

Then Jesus convinced me that it would be better to follow what He thought I should do. I changed majors and aspirations for my future and completed my degree as a preacher’s son. I had every intention of attending seminary and even made plans to marry my fiancé so that we could move in together.

That was not His plan. We got married, and the job I had taken before graduating moved me into a management trainee position. Two weeks after the wedding, I was told we were moving. We spent a little over a year there and decided, “Wouldn’t it be nice” to move back to Springfield.

That is what we did. Then we decided that we wanted to stop renting and buy a home. We went to work and remodeled it, and three children later, sold it and purchased a larger home. We have slept together for almost fifty years now. I think we have earned the right to brag about that.

Our dreams of becoming grown-ups have come true. Not because someone granted our wish. We did it with God’s help and instruction. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could do that? If that is what you want, follow our lead and get ‘er done.

There have been many opportunities that we have had in this lifetime. We have served our family, friends, and Lord in many diverse ways. Neither of us went to jail, but we did serve on juries. We also have never run for a political office, but we do work as election judges.

Now, it would be nice to make it to our fiftieth anniversary later this year. We have talked about going on a cruise someday or riding a train farther than a few miles on scenic trips. Cindy might want to take a balloon ride or go skydiving. She would need to do this without me. I have acrophobia.

No matter what age you are, you should always have hopes and ambitions. Think of something that you want to do and have not tried yet. It would be my wish that you accept Jesus as your savior and Lord sometime soon. I hope you have a friend or family member who can show you how.

Douloi Marriage

December 16, 2025

CHAPTER TWELVE

November 25, 2025

Men are dogs

November 24, 2025

Have you heard of the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?” In his book, John Gray uses this phrase to denote that males and females are from different cultures. Sometimes I think that we take the whole opposite sex theme a little too far. I believe this is what causes some to decide that they were born the wrong sex.

I’m not going to write the book “Men are dogs and women are cats,” but this column will be part of the chapter by that name in my book “Douloi Marriage.” What I mean by this is that they are very different, even though they can cohabit the same space.

Cindy and I have had cats and dogs in our house together over the years. We all know the phrase “fighting like cats and dogs.” There is also the weather report “raining cats and dogs.” Dogs and cats are two of the most popular domesticated pets.

Right now, Essa, the cat, is asleep on Cindy’s lap, and Biscuit, the dog, is relaxing next to them on the couch. I am on my laptop on the other end. One big happy family. Dog and cat, man and woman, are getting along quite well.

How are these four different? Dogs are often raised gently with humans and get used to being trained and loved. Cats can be as well. Our dog is like this. Our cat came from the Humane Society and was a rescue that did not like people or our dog.

Several months of living with us have changed this. This is where I want to compare her adjustment to what needs to be done in a marriage. We gave her the space and time that she needed. For a couple of months, she hid most of the day. She came out to eat and went to the box.

Let’s relate this to how communication in a marriage should work. When we first marry, we come from different cultures and environments. We each have fears and expectations. I was raised in a two-parent home. We had our share of problems, but we overcame them. Cindy was from a single-parent home.

She also had never met her father or had a father figure, other than her oldest brother, around the house. She had no idea how a wife should react to her husband. I knew to duck when the wife threw dishes. That was something my mom had done.

Cindy did not cook. I did. I also had been trained by my mom to do laundry, clean house, and many other womanly chores. Cindy learned all these things and how to mow and work on remodeling jobs. She paints with a roller better than I, and I get to cut in around the ceilings.

The point I am trying to make is that you find each other’s strengths. Do not even look at the weaknesses. Find ways to work together. Do what you are good at and teach them if they wish to learn. Husbands and wives do not expect the other one to do what they do not wish to do. Share those chores together.

My wife and I could not get married

September 19, 2025

A new law has gone into effect in the state of Missouri that now makes it illegal for a seventeen-year-old girl to marry a twenty-one-year-old man. That was the situation for Cindy and I forty-nine years ago. According to the statutes at that time, we were allowed to marry after her mother signed our application for a marriage license.

That is now illegal. Let me explain my problem with this new provision. I was graduating from college. Cindy had another year of high school to go. I did not know if I would be moving after graduation. We planned our wedding, got married, and moved to Joplin two weeks later with three days’ notice.

Missouri law today states that my girlfriend and I could move together, but not as man and wife. Missouri has legalized living together outside of marriage, but not as a married couple. Legislators, did you consider this when you approved this bill?

There are a lot of words in what you voted for. Did you read them all? I am sure your aids and advisors showed you the parts that protect the underage. This was your main purpose. However, someone removed language from the previous law that allowed parents to let those between sixteen and eighteen be married, provided the parent signs the marriage application.

Missouri law has already removed the parents’ rights to prosecute an adult who has sex with a seventeen-year-old. Seventeen-year-olds are not allowed to have other adult responsibilities. But with your supreme wisdom, parents cannot allow them to legally marry, but they can just move in together.

Cindy’s mom knew that we could cohabit legally if we wanted to. She allowed us to do it with the approval of the state. You have taken that away from decent, God-fearing young people. You should be ashamed.

My assemblyman and state senator who voted for this will never receive my vote again unless this is changed in the next session. I know that you drag your feet until someone makes you do something, and it is usually your political bosses. Guess what? We, the voters, are your real employers.

My intention is to advocate for the firing of every person who failed to see the effect this error would have on our young people. Yes, many of them already live together. You took away their right to do it morally. Someone told you this was a good idea. They were wrong. I hope you understand that now.

You’ve pissed me off one last time. Fix it or lose your elected positions, and do not expect us to forget that you do not care about those of us that you claim to want to help. We have longer memories than elephants. We don’t all have political Alzheimer’s as you hope.

Terror in the hospital

June 24, 2025

Not really, but I had to get your attention, didn’t I? I went through the standard check-in for the emergency department. We went through the process of triage. I spent five hours waiting to be taken to a room. I’d been answering the same questions repetitively.

These are the typical neurological, cardiac, and psychiatric screening processes. Two EKG’s, blood work, and chest X-ray. I’ve gone through this many times before except for the psych evaluation. When I finally was taken to a room, we waited for all the test results. Nothing out of the ordinary was discovered.

I tried to sleep. I was still fasting, and they only checked my blood sugar twice in eight hours. The reason I was required to go to the ER was to make sure my blood pressure and sugar levels were in range, I did not have dementia, or serious psychiatric problems.

A taxi took me home where I waited for the driver to pull out and got into my car and left again. I spent the morning looking for a place to stay without returning home. There was nowhere that the Lord made available for me.

I had to swallow my pride and ask Cindy to forgive me. I knew it would not be easy. When I got back home and went into the house Cindy and I began the process of forgiving each other and trying to find a way to prevent this from happening again. I am currently continuing outpatient testing to confirm that this problem does not happen again.

Let’s face it, none of us are perfect. Almost every couple has arguments or quarrels. The way you handle them is the main problem. I handled this one incorrectly. We are continuing to work through whatever causes disagreements.

It is possible to find common ground on almost anything if you try hard enough. Understanding, forgiveness, and compromise are the keys. Most marriages fail when one spouse chooses that they must have their way.

It is important to talk things out and express love in your partner’s primary love language. Communication is so essential to every relationship, it should be a priority. Remember why you decided to get married and be sure you maintain those loving actions.

I base what I write on a Christian world view. That means I speak of what Jesus taught in treating others as you want to be treated. I also emphasize the way love is defined in First Corinthians chapter 13. Love is patient and kind, it is just the beginning.

Every kiss begins with . . .

May 28, 2025

No, it isn’t Kay or Hallmark. It is with desire. When my wife and I watch rom-coms I have a saying, “It’s a Hallmark.” Most Hallmark movies have the starring couple kissing in the last five to fifteen minutes. Others like Larry Levinson productions have lovers kissing much earlier.

My wife and I kissed for the first time after our first or second date. I can’t remember exactly. I think it was the first time. It might not have been. I know I wanted to kiss her every time I saw her and I still do. This was the start of love.

Remember that I do not believe love and lust are the same. Lust is a kind of desire. Love prompts desires of its own. These are not the same. Love makes you want to be with someone. Not for sex or any of that superficial stuff. You want to spend your life with them.

We have been together for over fifty years. Today is our forty-ninth anniversary. We are both retired now and spend almost every moment together. We don’t have to be together all the time; we just enjoy each other’s company. We share the chores around the house, run errands together most of the time, and still sleep in the same bed.

We both have sleep apnea which means without our CPAP machines we snore. During the first year we dated I spent ten weeks over a thousand miles away for the summer. When I returned home, I had turned twenty-one and decided that we needed to be married as soon as possible after I graduated from college the next spring.

Two weeks after the wedding My job moved us to another city, and this gave me justification for marrying her before she graduated from high school. She completed school in the new community and found a job after she was out of school.

Many people think that if you get married at a young age it will be difficult to stay together. For us that has not been a problem. We have learned that the key to loving each other is forgiveness. Everyone has disagreements and makes mistakes. Don’t let these problems break up your relationships.

What we need to do is watch what we say to each other and forgive when we have differences in opinions. Another requirement is to make compromises. When our first daughter was born Cindy wanted to start a tradition of talking about Santa Claus with our daughter. I disagree with that idea.

I felt that promoting this kind of falsehood in our children’s lives would make them distrust what we told them about Jesus and God. She wanted them to be given the fun things these fantasies could bring. It turned out that we were able to explain the differences between real and pretend at the appropriate ages with each of them. Love sometimes is a compromise.

Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Walk With a Servant

Tag: Marriage