Parents – Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Are you your parents?

August 11, 2026

I like to ask people if they have looked in the mirror and seen one of their parents. I am not trying to insult them by saying that they are getting old. That would not be an insult, by the way. There is only one way to avoid becoming older: die now. Death is inevitable, and aging is as well.

If I did not have a good relationship with both of my parents, I would not bring them up in this way. My Dad was not intelligent in the normal way that I think of the word. He never wrote a book, graduated from college, or even high school. He was a city boy and served his country in World War II the best he could.

He was a swabby in the Navy on a repair ship. Yes, he was drafted and assigned to the US Navy. When I thought I might be drafted, I was also talking to them during the Vietnam conflict. I wanted to travel to the Far East but not under government invitation. I wanted to be assigned as a journalist on the front lines.

Dad did his job, came home to Springfield, Missouri, and married our mother. She had to lie about her education to get a factory job that only required a high school diploma. She did not have that either. Dad drove a truck, and Mom had been a waitress and cook in cafes before Zenith hired her.

I can’t drive a truck. Read my column, “I watched a truck driver today,” for more on this. I can cook and started my working career as a fry cook. I ended it as a purchasing manager, was an operations manager for a company I spent twenty-five years with, and graduated with a BA. This was all thanks to their example.

I am not my parents; however, I love them dearly, think of them often, and frequently comment on them in these articles and in my books. Without them, I would not be who I am. The best parts of me are due to them and their influence. My hope is that after reading this, you will say the same of yours.

They were not perfect or spectacular. They never did anything more than what most of us do: work, raise a family, and obey the law most of the time. They never did illegal drugs, drank alcohol to excess, or were arrested. They both served on juries when summoned and took us to church and accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

That will not get you the parent of the year award from anyone except your own kids and sometimes not even them. That is the point of this column. What have you done lately to honor your folks? Maybe your parents were abusive and failed you miserably. I’m sorry if that is your story. Mine did not.

I recently spent some time with a professional counselor, and she did, like they all do, try to help us with our problems. She asked about them and my relationship with them growing up, abuse, and substance abuse. There is nothing in my experience in their home that is anything to cause me the difficulties I am having.

Professional counseling is often called for when we are dealing with life’s troubles. Don’t avoid it if you need it. Find a trained and qualified professional who is a good fit with you. Let them direct you to handle your issues, whatever they may be. I’m working on mine, and I hope your parents and you do the same.

Shadows or reflections

June 15, 2026

Think about the difference between these two concepts. A shadow is what you see when the light is blocked. Reflections are what we see when the light bounces off a reflective surface. It is reversed. Look deeper.

Another difference between the two is that a shadow has little definition of an image. Reflections may be well-defined or not. We think of reflections as being seen in a mirror, but they can be seen in other reflective surfaces like shiny metal or water.

I enjoy seeing the reversed image of the sky in a pond or lake and have even tried to duplicate this effect in landscapes that I have attempted to learn to paint. Bob Ross was always much better at this than I am currently. I continue to follow his tutelage in hopes that I can approve.

There are recordings from the 1960s that I recall from my top forty listening days called “Silhouettes on the Shade.” This is a shadow caused by a light inside that is formed on a solid surface or even a window shade. In this song, a guy thinks he sees another guy kissing his girl. I like the humorous twist in the last verse.

Speaking of reflections, I always like to ask folks if they’ve ever looked in the mirror and seen their parents watching them. I am not speaking of ghosts or spirits, but I mean it to be a funny way of asking if they believe that they look like their parents. Some will say that they do not, and others have never noticed one way or the other.

That makes me think of the question, “Are you becoming your parent?” I think that depends on whether you think they are decent human beings. I used to have reasons that I did not want to be like mine in certain ways. I have overcome their influence in some areas of life and failed in others.

Are you a reflection of your parents or only in their shadow? I once thought that I had surpassed my mother and father in many ways. For many years, I have seen that I am learning to reflect their values in new and different ways.

They were members of labor unions and voted a straight democratic ticket. This taught me to view each candidate for their own opinions. The decisions they make might not be good for me personally, but they need to be of benefit to most of us. Votes that are self-seeking are not good decisions.

When I was in college, I took a job at the factory where Mom worked. After ninety days, I would have to join the union. I told my mother that I would not stay that long and would give my notice before that happened. The closer that day came, the more I told her that I would never work in a factory again.

I have worked in several factories but never in one that was a union shop. I understand a lot about why some believe they are good and why management does not appreciate them. My biggest problem with labor organizations is their inability to allow dedicated employees to go beyond expectations.

I reflect my parents’ loyalty to their jobs and cast a shadow on ignoring individuality in everyone. We need to become who we and our Lord wants us to be without getting in the way of anyone else. God bless your reflections, and let others step out of your shadow.

Five who will not listen to you

March 5, 2026

Let me tell you who these are. Your cat. Any cat, really. Cats do not listen except to their name or a door opening or maybe a can opener. They have very sensitive ears. They simply do not understand words. They comprehend petting and playing. They know who feeds them and is supposed to clean their litter box. Don’t do this and they will remind you.

Do you ever complain that your children don’t listen? Again, this is not just yours. Youngsters in general have difficulty following instructions. They are people after all. Once again, they respond to love and play. Speak the language they understand and they will comprehend. Yell at them or criticize them and they will not.

They also do not respond to being ignored. If you have ever had a child ask a question that you did not know the answer to or want to respond to at that moment, they will continue to press you. Just like a hungry cat. Give them what they want, and they will leave you alone, momentarily.

Bosses are others that will not listen unless you are saying what they want to hear. When they ask what you think, they do not necessarily want that answer. Some are not sure that their employees can think. Thinking is what they are paid for, and many are overpaid.

When they ask what you think of the concept they have just given to you, they may only want agreement. Give it to them. “Is this a good idea?” Do not say no. Say that it is and immediately add whatever your suggestion to improve on it is. Say it slowly and clearly. Then shut up.

If they want comments, they will accept what you say. If not, avoid confrontation and wait a while. Soon their thoughts may alter. I have often made suggestions, been told they were bad ideas, and left the discussion there. Later the concepts I expressed became the boss’s new directives and were implemented.

Do not try to take credit for their own brainstorms, you’ll get washed away. It is now their idea no matter how much you try to reason them out of it. Take the win. What needed to be done got done. When you become the boss, remember what they did and do not repeat their error.

Both husbands and wives are accused of not listening. That is correct. We all have selective deafness. We are only grownup children after all. The truth is that this malady is not limited to a sex or age group. We really should not limit this to just these five groups.

Politicians are the last of the five. The reason I say this is because I have listened to interviews with them for over fifty years. Most of the time their answers to questions do not answer those inquiries. They may have to deal with the topic but seldom provide an adequate response.

Work on your listening skills. Practice stopping what you are doing when your spouse or kids are trying to get your attention. We all need to concentrate on our communication skills. Listening is an essential part of our relationships. Don’t be one of the sixth group, those who do not care.

Becoming your parents

February 3, 2026

You’ve seen the commercials. An insurance company tells us that young homeowners are in danger of becoming their parents. Is that such a bad option? I remember the first time I looked in my bathroom mirror, shaving one morning, and saw my Dad staring back at me.

Over the years, I have noticed many of Mom and Dad’s habits and mannerisms that I have picked up. There are some that I try not to emulate. Dad would cross his feet when he sat watching TV. Mine are currently crossed as I work on my laptop.

One of the things in these commercials is the friendliness and ability to speak with others. I have friends whose children have these attributes, except their parents do not. If it is offensive to you for someone to be outgoing, maybe you need to rethink why.

Another scene in these ads involves the homeowner encountering a celebrity. They do nothing embarrassing other than, once again, being friendly. Indeed, this man is not portrayed as knowing how to take a selfie with his phone. The famous man shows him how to change the camera view.

Some of these early spots have obnoxious actions. Pushing food onto guests as they leave a party when they do not want it. Stopping drivers as they go down the street and blocking traffic. Telling others how to do everything from grilling to starting a campfire, or what to order at a restaurant.

These are annoying habits that some have. Blaming your parents for being this way is insulting to those of us who have children who are now homeowners. I am proud of the ways my kids turned out. My sons-in-law tells dad jokes. My daughters and grandchildren even tell my old stories.

I consider imitation to be the greatest form of flattery. These kinds of copying of others might be considered creepy by some. We are led to believe that this behavior is unintentional. We all have pet peeves. Friends or family do things that agitate us. Having a therapist make a living by criticizing patients is probably against their professional rules.

It is a good thing that the part is played by an actor, and these are not based on true stories. Many things we see on TV and in movies show rude or annoying behavior. The problem comes when a project shows illegal activity as perfectly acceptable.

Giving thanks to Jesus

November 26, 2025

We are in what is often referred to as the Thanksgiving season. For others, it is black November or a prelude to the Christmas buying frenzy. It is fall and the leaves are leaving the trees in Missouri. In other parts of the country, they have had snow, or the beaches are full. Life goes on.

When I think of giving thanks, I first think of my parents. They gave me life, a home, an education, their love and support, and more than I can express in words. I thank my children for allowing their mother and I to teach them what we knew, not just in words. I believe they picked up the things that we did not say, but showed them.

Without our children, we would not have these twelve grandchildren that seem to occupy our thoughts and lives. When they are all here, they are a wonderful and noisy house full. I could enumerate all the blessings you have brought to us. I think I will save that for a book.

I need to express my appreciation to the churches, pastors, and leadership of all the congregations that I have worked with over the years. Many of these groups and individuals have appeared in other columns. I won’t take the space here to reiterate what has already been said.

The employers I have had also deserve a round of applause. I would not be who I am without you. Some of you just wanted my time and talents, and you received those. Others gave me more than money; you gave me experience, knowledge, and the discernment that I needed to make my way through this world.

Many coworkers and friends have come to me at these businesses. I am thankful for all of you and my other friends that I have picked up from churches and a multitude of other places and situations. You have befriended me, chastised me, and encouraged me, and I am forever grateful for your kindness and companionship.

Who am I leaving out? I’ll get to the most important in a minute. First, I need to thank my country. It is not a person. It is an idea or an ideal. It was established by people I never met and founded on principles I have learned to believe in. It is not perfect because it contains people. The freedom I enjoy here was purchased by the lives of thousands in many ways.

My wife deserves more thanks than I can possibly express. Her love, compassion, and friendship have kept me going and slapped me out of my complacency when I needed it. Without her, I would not have those twelve grandchildren that we love so much. The best way to say thank you to her is 1-4-3. She knows what that means.

Lastly, I must thank my Savior, Jesus, who is called the Christ or the Messiah. Without Him, I would have none of these other people in my life. What wisdom and knowledge I have ultimately must be attributed to Him. He has led me away from paths that were better for me not to go down. At least, when I listened.

Little White Church

August 24, 2025

Have you heard this country song by Little Big Town from 2010? I would like to take a moment to share it with you. Two different feelings come depending on whether you watch the video or just listen to the audio.

Ladies, do you have a guy who will not make a commitment to marriage? Maybe you should play this song for him. As a man, I can tell you our inclination is to delay marriage if we can have what we want without it. Yes, I am talking about sex. As a father of three girls, I made sure my daughters understood this.

Are you worth a man’s love and respect? Then you need to show him that you are. We all have sexual desires, and our culture says that we can do whatever we want to if we are adults. Just because we want to participate in something does not mean it is best for us. Decisions we make today will have consequences tomorrow.

The next verse takes us to the video for this song. It shows the bride going to the church and at the same time her mother drugs the groom, ties him up, and puts him in the trunk of a car.

Many parents have doubts about the potential mate their child has chosen. It is usually wise not to mention this. Most of us do not want to admit that our parents are correct and we are wrong. Voicing your opinion may simply drive them towards making a bad choice. Back off and let them decide for themselves.

The conclusion of this song was the desire of my wife and I with our girls. The decisions are theirs and it is something every man and woman needs to consider. Your choices are your own and so are the results.

All three of our daughters married before having children. Their husbands are fine men. All three are teachers. The two oldest are in public schools and the youngest home schools their children. We have twelve wonderful grandchildren, and life is great for all of us.

Our churches are not always white, and sometimes they do not even meet in what is thought of as a church building, but the idea is to meet with the church that is the body of Christ, the gathering together of believers. It isn’t just there to marry couples. They have solutions for almost everything.

Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Walk With a Servant