Of course, I am speaking of AM. Billy Joel begins his song “Piano Man” with five o’clock on a Saturday, which is PM. He is speaking of the bar that he is playing at. He then describes the crowd that walks in, sits down, and has a few. The TV sitcom “Cheers” theme song was “Where Everybody Knows Your Name.”

I always thought that it was your local church. You can tell which one I go to more often. Nine o’clock on a Sunday refers to going to church. I would like to talk about some of the general types of characters that you might see on a Sunday morning.

We all know that the pastor will be there. When I am listing these descriptions of folks, your pastor or deacon, etc., may show up under these. Some of the members of the congregation at your church may overlap in these areas. They are all meant to be humorous and not insulting to anyone, even me.

Susy Sunshine is there every week with a smile on her face. She’s happy, and the other ladies wonder why. They think she must be drunk or on drugs to be that happy all the time. She’s just putting on a face because her husband just left her with two kids and took off with his secretary.

Nicholas Nobody walks in the door, and the greeter shakes his hand. He walks with his head down as no one speaks his name or says a word to him except for Jocular Jed. More on him later. He’s new and wonders if he should even have come.

The sports fanatic is there every week unless the football, hockey, baseball, lacrosse, or tidily wink match starts before church ends. They are there religiously when it does not interfere with these. Don’t worry, they will make up for the tithes they miss from their winnings in sports betting.

I already mentioned Jed, and I used the term jocular because he is the guy who always tells jokes. Some are funny, others are not. Part of them don’t even make sense. They all take too long to tell. At least Nicholas smiles at most of the things Jed tells him. Jed knows that most of the others think he’s foolish, and he considers himself a fool for Christ.

It’s time to think of the ones that are hiding under the pews. That’s right, the children. They crawl from the front to the back, looking for that squirrel that Ray Stevens sang the song about. They start out with mom and dad and sing all the songs that they know.

The teenagers are sitting somewhere. They may be scattered or in a group. If the church has a youth minister, he and his wife are close to this group. These are the future of the Church. They need love and encouragement.

There is one last group that should never be forgotten in the church. These are the older adults. We have been around for longer than any others. Some of us are grandparents or great-grandparents. We used to be the backbone of the body and are now viewed as the last generation.

©Copyright 2026 by Charles Kensinger