Tag: Service

Love languages

March 14, 2026

Have you been hearing all the things about love languages lately? There is a cereal commercial where a lady states that her love language is Portuguese when they say that this cereal is someone else’s love language. Then another guy is talking about insurance, and a woman says he is speaking her love language.

Let’s talk about what is meant by a love language. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The Five Love Languages in 1992.” The five things that he refers to as love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

It has become so popular that not only are they making fun of it, they are also mentioning it on talk shows, situation comedies, and I even saw an episode of “Blue Bloods” where they discussed it seriously. There have even been magazine articles that discussed the book.

I’ve read one of the many knockoffs that have been published to try to profit from an idea in a book that was just written to help couples. Dr. Chapman is a Christian counselor who is not motivated by money. As an author, I understand how the publishing industry works. One best sellers generates thousands of copycats hoping to score some bucks.

Look at the racks in any store. Which authors or topics are available where you shop? How many are alike? Have you watched when new movies and TV shows premiered? Does it occur to you that when someone has an idea that makes a lot of money, others try to catch their coattails?

Let’s talk about the real love languages Gary shows us. Words of affirmation are just speaking positively to the people you care about. Do not criticize them or call them names. Don’t do this to those you do not like, and not to someone you love.

Time is fleeting, and we all only have twenty-four hours in a day. When we were dating, I wanted as much time with Cindy as I could have. When I was away from her for ten weeks that first summer, I decided never to do that again, and I didn’t.

Receiving gifts does not have to be a new car or jewelry like the commercials tell you. Dr. Chapman explains that a single flower, or a note on the mirror, the pillow, or in the lunch bag, will say “I love you.”

If you’ve read my memoir, Doulos, you know that I am into being a servant. This is not my love language, but it is my ministry. In the book I am writing, “Douloi Marriage,” I give examples of why and how husbands and wives can and should be servants.

One thing I did when my wife was a stay-at-home mom was to cook on the weekends. Now I am the chief cook and bottle washer full-time and have been, since I retired and Cindy was still employed.

This last one can be a little tricky for some couples. We men often want to take the least touch from our wives, or that she will allow us to give to her as an invitation for sex. This is not what is meant by physical touch. It can be important to the person whose love language is touch, or it may not be.

A kiss, a hug, holding hands, an arm around them when you are sitting together, your head in their lap, or their head on your shoulder can be enough to express your love. Discover their love language and speak it often. Or use all five and see which they respond to the most.

©Copyright 2026 by Charles Kensinger

Welcome home Gary

January 21, 2026

I first met Gary about fifty-three years ago. I know that because I had not met my wife yet. I was introduced to her fifty-two years ago. Don and I traveled to Hamlin Memorial Baptist Church from Immanuel, where we went. We had been called to restart the Royal Ambassador program there.

Gary, the associational R.A. director, asked us to visit them on Wednesday evening. In the summer, I volunteered to be a counselor at Baptist Hill, which is important to him. He also called me, and I scheduled a practice game for the Immanuel women’s softball team I led and the Hamlin team he coached.

I began to see him often after Cindy, and I started dating. He and Geri were at our wedding, which was held at Cindy’s church, Hamlin. Gary was our class leader when we visited on weekends while we lived in Joplin. After we moved back to Springfield, he was our young married class leader until I began teaching.

Gary was a deacon, and he and his wife were involved in many events where the Deacon Body led the church. I joined his R.A. staff and worked closely with him, and later became the R.A. Director when he moved on to other ministries.

I took some advice from him and took a week of vacation from work each summer to lead Vacation Bible School. He was working with younger people to teach them to become the leaders that they are today. When his kids were in the children’s and youth groups, I was one of their teachers.

One Sunday, when Ryan, his son, was in my seventh and eighth grade class, we had an impromptu discussion of sex. Our lessons had an annual discussion on this subject. That morning, I answered questions that the boys had. I ended the class with a warning to them to tell their parents that we discussed chocolate, if they were asked.

That evening at church, Gary confronted me and wanted to know what his son meant when he told him our lesson was on chocolate. I explained a story I had used to teach the young men on the correct approach to sex. Some of those men remember that discussion; others do not. I often would use this code word to alert Gary when I was broaching this subject with a group.

Gary and I continued to work together as Deacons and leaders at Hamlin until they moved to another church, and he continued to be the same man who had taught me how to be a better minister and father. Gary’s life was not as easy as mine had been. He had served in Vietnam and experienced situations I never had.

Gary and Geri’s son and daughter know more about the trials that he experienced. I witnessed his anger on a few occasions and tried to understand because I also have issues with anger. Most of us do at times. Like all of us, we are not perfect.

Gary knew that he was not without sin. He taught his children and I that, despite our sinful state, Jesus could be our savior and Lord. Because he knew this, when his earthly body died, his soul and spirit went home. He was welcomed there as we who have accepted Jesus will be.

©Copyright 2026 by Charles Kensinger