Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

If you have seen the movie “Office Space” and you know the character Milton Waddams and have seen photos of me, the humor in this will not be missed.  If you do not have these three elements, do not read further.  Stop and find photos of me on Facebook or elsewhere and go to IMDB and look up the movie and character.  Only then will this story become funny.

After I had started at Positronic Industries in the Purchasing Department comments began to be made about me that I did not understand.  I was asked if my stapler was missing and from time to time it would disappear.  I would be jokingly told that I was being moved downstairs to a different office.  I took all of this in stride and knew the joke was on me because I did not understand what the joke was.

One day Gary, the Purchasing Manager, my boss, caught me in the central purchasing office and presented me with a red Swingline stapler.  The rest of the department broke out in hysterical laughter.  I smiled and thanked him.  Once again I was the butt of the joke and did not know why.  I put my black stapler in my desk drawer for a spare and put the red one in its rightful place.

It disappeared almost immediately.  Every few days it would reappear through no effort on my part only to disappear later.  Each time the red would be filched I would retrieve the black from my drawer.  With the return of the red, the black would hide again.

The mystery was revealed when a co-worker from another department noted my red stapler and that it was a Swingline.  She asked where I had gotten it and when I told the story of its presentation to me, laughter filled the plant.  Cautiously looking around she leaned across my desk and told me about Milton Waddams in the movie “Office Space”.  When she asked if I had seen it, my answer was no.  After promising to get the movie and watch it she left still laughing and went next door to talk to Gary.  More laughter came from his office.

That weekend I found a copy of the movie at a video rental and watched it. I was not especially pleased with being compared to Milton. He comes off as whiney and the type that can easily be abused. I did see the physical resemblance. The character traits of Milton did not appear to be those of myself. Until the end of the movie.

If you have not seen the movie yet, I don’t want to spoil it for you. All I will say is that I looked at this character in a new light after the end of the movie. When my red Swingline Stapler would disappear, I would announce to the entire office that it was missing and ask if anyone smelled smoke.

When I left that company, Gary made sure I took my stapler with me. Here it is in front of me on my desk in my office at home. No buildings were burned when I left.

©Copyright 2022 by Charles Kensinger