Love – Page 2 – Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

A month of love

February 7, 2025

February is called the month of love due to the fourteenth. In past years, I have written an annual Valentine’s Day column. I have decided to spend this month posting as many pieces about love as I can. Let’s begin by talking about what most people think love is.

Ask a dozen people what love is, and you will receive four or five answers like, “a warm hug,” “a puppy,” or my favorite “how you feel about someone.” In my opinion, love is a verb. It is an action. You show love by doing something for someone.

Examples are cooking dinner, doing chores they dislike, and taking them somewhere you do not want to go without telling them you don’t want to go there. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? Try it. They’ll like it.

When you love someone, you will be a servant to them. You will do what they need you to do without them having to ask. We usually have two problems in this area. We want them to do things for us that we don’t tell them about. We try to do things for them that they want to do themselves.

I don’t like to clean or do laundry. If you want to be of service to me, come do those. You might want to cook me a meal. That would be fine from time to time. If you truly love me, let me do the cooking. You should help with the things I do not want to do.

Do you understand this? When my wife was a stay-at-home mom, she cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, and all the other things that a home needs to do. On my weekend off I cooked and helped with everything else. She mowed the yard for me and ran errands I had no time to take care of. We serve each other.

I did not ask her to do all the “woman’s work” because of my love for her. She did not require me to complete all the “man’s work” as well as working 40+ hours a week. We are also DIYers. I know what Labor Day means because most of these holidays were spent working on our home.

We refinished three rooms of oak flooring. Ripping out carpet and painting walls and ceilings. Then we tore up our bedroom, hung sheetrock, painted it, and installed new trim. Before we sold that house, we remodeled the kitchen and dining room which involved installing and finishing two more oak floors. The only room we did not touch was the family room.

We’ve been here for twenty years now. This house needed no work when we moved in. In the years we have been here we’ve painted, laid new carpeting, replaced kitchen backsplash, and other items. Life and love are work. Don’t believe people who tell you they are not.

Love is being there for the person you say you love. It is the ups and downs of the relationship. It is the commitment that you keep to each other. It is refusing to allow anyone or anything to come between you. Love is a verb.

The summer of 1975

January 26, 2025

In 1975 I traveled farther than I had ever gone. I rode a Continental Trail Ways Bus from Springfield, MO to Harrisburg, PA. I left Missouri on a bright morning and by the next afternoon had checked into a hotel with over a hundred college and high school students from all over the United States. We were there for orientation to the Student Summer Mission Program of the Home Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Leaving home wasn’t that hard. I spent the last semester of school in a dormitory on campus in Bolivar. That is about thirty miles north of my home. Ron, my roommate, and I got along well, and we both went home every weekend. He went to Waynesville and I to Springfield. He had transferred to Southwest Baptist College that year as a junior from the University of Missouri, Rolla campus. I did the same thing from Southwest Missouri State University. He was a mechanical engineering student, and my major was creative writing. I was going to go to the University of Missouri at Columbia before God called me to the ministry. Ron’s plans were changed by God, also, before we met.

During the first week of my first semester, I saw signs around campus promoting the Summer Missionary Program. I filled out the paperwork and applied. We would find out if we had been accepted after the new year.

That year, I met many new people, not all of them at college. I went to church one Wednesday evening for dinner and joined a youth excursion to a haunted house. At church, I met a cute little high school girl. As we waited in line at the haunted house, we began holding hands, and I made myself available to comfort her when she was frightened.

I failed to ask for her phone number that night. I later asked the girl she had attended with for her number, and we began dating. When I received my acceptance for the summer and learned I would be going to PA I wondered about leaving her for ten weeks.

When I left in June 1975, we were engaged. We wrote letters—yes, I know that is old-fashioned—and spoke on the phone. I missed her terribly. I returned in August; I had decided that by next summer, we would be married. I was graduating in the spring and did not know if I would be going to seminary or where God would take me.

I took a part-time job in February of 1976 and was offered a full-time management trainee position two weeks before graduation. Two weeks after our wedding I was told they needed me to move to Joplin, Missouri. Cindy was still in high school. I left for Joplin on a Sunday evening and stayed in a hotel. She joined me on Friday after she quit her summer job.

I was so glad to have her in my arms again. She graduated in December, and we returned to Springfield in August of 1977. Over the years I have been asked why we did not wait until she finished school to be married. My answer is simple. I did not want to be away from her like I had been the previous summer.

I did not know that God intended me to move so close to home. I thought I might be going hundreds of miles away again. I had considered Dallas, TX, Kansas City, or even California for Seminary. That was not God’s plan. I did not need a master’s or doctorate. I needed to learn to be a workplace minister.

The question is sometimes asked by teenagers, “How do you know when you are in love?” For me, I knew that summer. I never wanted to be away from her again. I’ve gone on short mission trips of about a week. I’ve traveled for training and my job. Ten days was the longest we have been apart in fifty years.

Shortly after I accepted the call to full-time Christian service, my pastor told me to carefully select the woman I would marry. When I transferred to SWBC (Southwest Bridal College), I dated several girls. I prayed for each one. Was she the one I should marry? I do not believe I ever asked God about Cindy. I knew I had to spend my life with her.

If you are looking at major changes in your life this year, graduating, moving, or changing jobs, be sure that you are seeking the Lord’s will. Nineteen Seventy-Four was a pivotal year for me. God told me He wanted my life, and I gave it to Hum. Is this the year you should do the same?

I know I need to be in love

February 10, 2023

I was supposed to be a girl. I had two older brothers. My dad wanted a girl. He wanted both of my brothers to be girls. I wore girls’ baby dresses for the first six months of my life. Mom had all these clothes that she never put on my brothers. It was my responsibility to use them.

She taught me to sew, crochet, and cook. This is the reason I have been an advocate of women’s rights and breaking gender barriers. Our daughters had toy cars. They played with boys’ toys. We gave our oldest astronaut Barbie. I taught her to love science and space and built a spaceship for her doll.

Our youngest daughter worked with me in my shop. She liked the drill press and the saw. She is a handywoman today. Our middle daughter will try anything you tell her that she can’t do. Isn’t this usually a male response?

My first girlfriend was when I was in second grade. I do not remember her name. I dated only one girl through high school. During my sophomore year in college, she announced to me that she did not think we should see each other anymore. I was all right with that. From that point, I dated a few ladies.

I wanted to find someone to love. I just needed to pick the correct one. I accepted a call to the full-time gospel ministry, changed colleges, and met my future wife the following year.

At that time, I did not know as much about love as I do today. I know that love is a verb. It is not an emotion. It is a choice. You decide who you will love and if that love will last. We do not fall in love or out of it. We stop caring about those we once cherished because of several factors. One of these is that we all change.

In marriage, we should be changing together. Growing apart needs to be recognized and avoided. We need to learn to communicate our needs, wants, and love better. The books “Five Love Languages” and “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” are two volumes that discuss the differences in the way we communicate.

Gary Chapman identifies five separate ways of speaking. Not all of these are verbal. Men and women can share these. Some couples accidentally know what the other means because they speak the same dialect.

John Gray separates the miscommunication between men and women into differences in culture. He also believes that once we learn this, we can have meaningful dialogue. Both men are correct as are hundreds of others that have written books or taught marriage seminars.

I knew I needed to be in love. The Carpenters song adds that believing there is someone for me was hard. One of the steps I learned from Karen was that it wasn’t simple and that freedom made it more difficult. I am not perfect, and neither is Cindy.

We married because we wanted to work at loving each other. We still understand that it is for life. That life is not easy. We work at it every day. She has changed. I am not the same man she loved at first. Good intentions were a foundation. That was not where we placed our faith.

I believe that she loves me. I know her love language. I know that as a woman she cannot always understand what I try to say. I say I want to be with her. I prove it by being with her. When I put business ahead of us, she told me about it. She had the patience to let me learn the lessons at my own pace. Sometimes I can be a slow learner.

Our love has grown. It is not what it was forty-seven years ago. We are still together and love each other. Do not stop growing in your relationships. Have the courage to work hard on it. Do not miss the opportunity to say I love you. And use all five languages when you need to. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Boy Named Sue

January 26, 2023

This morning on the radio there was a discussion about a man who suggested a technique for disciplining children during the period leading up to Christmas. He said to wrap gifts and put them under the tree early. When a child disobeys, take one and throw it into your fireplace.

The conversation turned to how traumatic this would be for the kids. One caller suggested using positive reinforcement instead of discipline. A DJ suggested using the gifts but telling the offending offspring that continued misbehavior would require the gift to be returned to Santa Claus.

Several points need to be considered when raising children. I am reminded of the Johnny Cash song “The Boy Named Sue.” If you know the song, I am sure you disagree with the father’s giving his son a girl’s name to turn him into a man who could defend himself. It is a stupid idea that hopefully no one ever actually did to their child.

Parents are not immune to producing ignorant ideas for teaching kids what they want them to learn. Some of the ideas of child-rearing that I mentioned are what to teach, how to teach, and when to teach.

Both the dad with the Christmas gifts that were fake that he threw into the fire and Johnny Cash’s father in “Boy Named Sue” was trying to make their children into adults who could be counted on in society. Maybe not in the way they wanted them to be.

Discipline is supposed to instruct youngsters in the things that they need to be productive, sensitive, and caring adults. An angry child will grow up to be an adult who is a powder keg. They may blow at any time. The boy named Sue will also be very volatile because he has been teased throughout his life.

Kiddos need to learn how to be adults. They need to have responsibility and independence at appropriate levels at a time when they can grasp the concepts and perform their best.

My father made some mistakes with us. He probably was trying to raise us the way he was. Like me he was the youngest son and had a younger sister that was spoiled rotten. I know that because the older siblings continued to baby her even when I was old enough to see what they were doing. We tried not to do that to our girls. I hope we were successful. Were we, girls?

Love is the key to growing children as much as light and fertilizer are to growing plants. Just for the fun of it, add a little humor. I know all the comments about Dad jokes. Not all dad jokes are bad. There are also Mom jokes. It is just that no one tells her that hers are not funny.

Be watching for the column on love. I’ll use Paul’s definition to help you understand how to bring a child up knowing what love is and how to show it. That is for another day.

Falling in love

January 21, 2023

“I don’t love her anymore. I don’t remember when I did.” This is a line from “The Twilight Zone” episode that is titled “The Trouble with Templeton”. Actor Booth Templeton expresses his disdain to his servant about the current Mrs. Templeton’s dalliance and speculates on what his life would be like if his first wife had not died so young.

The episode ends when his first wife and best friend ask him to go back to where he came from. A disappointing end to time travel reminds us that we must continue to live even when life seems hard. Time travel is a common vehicle on this sci-fi anthology series from the 1960s.

The questions this brought to my mind were do we love because we must, or do we love because we want to? Love is a choice. Love is a verb. These are phrases you may have read in my articles before. It also is not an emotion as many believe.

The term making love is a misnomer, as well. Love is not a noun. It is not something that you can create. The proper term is having sex. There are other phrases that you can use without stating the acronym for the full use of carnal knowledge.

I have heard people using this excuse for divorce by saying they are no longer in love with their spouse. Men and women both reason their desire to end the relationship by this logic. Sometimes lack of sex is considered the indication they are no longer loved. Sex and love have no correlation.

Physical touch is one of the “Five Love Languages” talked about in Dr. Gary Chapman’s books. This demonstration of love is not always expressed through sexual contact. Couples continue to love and experience love when they no longer express their commitment through intercourse.

I will speak about the definition of this word in another column or series of columns. As you know, sometimes I have more to say about a subject than will fit into one piece. Keep in mind that much of what I share with you is not original to me.

I read a great deal. I research through files that I have collected over the last fifty years. Would you believe that I have maintained all my college class notes? I do use the internet; I like to fall back on older research materials.

The Bible is one of my favorite resources. I do not always quote chapters and verses when using the information and wisdom it provides. I am one of those oddballs that believe in the validity of scripture. It says that God is love and those who follow Christ are to love as He did. After all, He is God.

Paul tells us in his letters in the New Testament to love our spouses, children, and everyone that we know. Even the Old Testament commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Jesus said this was the second most important of the commandments we received from the Hebrews.

A Smile

December 28, 2022

Ideas may be hard for some of us to come up with. I know that is not proper grammar. Give me a break, please. I am watching a movie on the Hallmark Channel. It gave me an idea for this column.

The name of the show is “A Smile as big as the Moon.” It is taken from a book of the same name by Mike Kersjes. This is not fiction. The book is a memoir because the teacher of a special education class wrote it. It is his story of what happened to them.

The football coach teacher is spurred on by one student who wants to go to Space Camp. He is a Down syndrome student. Many of his classmates have other handicaps or problems with discipline or learning disabilities.

At the time, Space Camp did not have a program for special needs students. The story is about how to convince the administration at the camp to take a chance on children that are not considered even normal. They are usually thought of as difficult to deal with.

Handling problems for these young people is not easy. Frustration, disappointment, and conflict force them to treat each other as friends and equals. One student does not believe his being in this class is fair. He was a normally well-achieving scholar who endured some setbacks in his grades.

Life is not always fair. To make a story work you must have conflicts. Real life makes for some thrilling times even in a movie script or book. This story has protagonists and antagonists. The teacher and the principal have difficulties as do the administration at Space Camp and that same special education teacher.

I have heard of space camp and am glad that they now have programs for all students and adults. I grew up during the race for space and witnessed Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walking on the moon for the first time in 1969. I have always attempted to follow NASA and the others pushing beyond our atmosphere.

My takeaway from this movie is that we should all share a smile with everyone that we meet every day. Kindness has no better technique for being spread than a spontaneous smile.

Jesus loves me

July 20, 2022

There is a song with this title. I learned it when I was a kid. I’d like to talk to you about the words of this song. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” This is the first phrase.

The bible does tell us that we are loved by a man named Jesus. About two thousand years ago He was born into this world just as we all are. No difference other than that his mother was a virgin and ours were not. Now that we know who Jesus is let’s look at the world loves.

Love is the verb in this phrase. It is the action word. The apostle Paul tells us that love is patient and kind. This is enough of a definition to show how His love is different from what most of us experience from those that claim they love us. Most of us are not very patient and would have a definition of kindness that probably varies greatly.

Do you know that He loves you? The Bible tells us in many places that we are loved by God and this includes His Son, Jesus. The Messiah told us many stories to explain how much His Father loves us. One of these is that of a shepherd who left 99 sheep that were safe to find the one that had gotten lost. Are you that lost one?

The next stanza tells us that we belong to him. We are told that His strength will make up for our weakness. The dependability of God and our fallibility are written all through His word. The Psalms have many verses of poetry that tell us how we can follow Him and have Him protect us.

In the second stanza, we are told that Jesus’ love is as strong as it always was. He places children on His knee and tells them to come to Him as He always has. Our Lord told us that to reach Heaven we must become like children and trust Him as they do.

He is still with us on our way is what verse three tells us. He walks with us today as He has always said He would, giving us light and love as a friend. He told us that we would be His friends forever.

Our Savior died for us to open a way to eternal life. That was His purpose for becoming human. The fourth verse tells us this and that His sacrifice was for the payment of our sins.

The fifth and final verse tells us that He will stay close with us on our way, and we promise that we will live for Him as He died for us. This song is considered a children’s ditty. By looking at the words I want you to see that it is a confirmation of what Christians believe about the creator of the universe and His plan for our redemption.

He did what was necessary to bring us back to fellowship with Yahweh. This was done to show that He loves us and always will. From the mid 1800’s this poem has been around to remind us of what was done for us and why.

Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Walk With a Servant

Tag: Love