Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Once again, I would like to give you my definition of an expert. Let’s break the word down. Ex means former or has been. The difficult part is the spert. It should be spelled spurt and is a big drip under pressure. That means that an expert is a has-been big drip under pressure. I don’t want to be one.

I will simply claim to be a long-time practitioner of marriage. I do not have all the answers. I’m not sure that after forty-seven years I know half of the questions. I think the key to keeping a marriage healthy is like anything else. Give it what it needs.

When Cindy and I became engaged, it was because I wanted to be with her more than anyone else. She was having a bad day and said that she did not believe anyone loved her. This feeling had not been caused by me. Later it would be my fault. This night it was not.

I told her that I loved her. She did not seem to believe me. We had been dating for a few months and this was not the first time I used that particular four-letter word. It is easy to say. It is much more difficult to prove. My evidence of my LOVE was to tell her that I wanted to marry her and spend my life with her.

She hugged me and kissed me and said yes. Today couples sometimes have elaborate proposals. They have engagement parties and lavish weddings. Many have already been living together and should know each other. I know couples who married after a child was born.

None of these things are any better than our way. We have stayed together this long because we are willing to work for it. Another of those dreaded four-letter words. What I mean by work is that we give each other what we need. We both need support, approval, companionship, and understanding. These things are not easy to do.

I must put myself in her shoes quite often and try to decide what I am doing wrong. She does the same thing. Neither of us can expect to have our own way. We make decisions together and most of the time we agree. If not, we make compromises.

We gave our daughters an example of how to do this thing called marriage. They seem to be figuring it out as well. I warned those men about what they were getting into. They can’t blame me that their wives act like women. I also gave the girls the best advice a father could. I told them that boys are scum.

Facebook won’t let me post that. I am the editor of my web page. I allow it. With this explanation. I did not want them to marry a boy. They needed a man. Maybe like me or maybe not like me. That was their choice. He needed to be a grown-up. And they did, also.

If you are having trouble in your marriage. Are you both acting like adults? Childishness can be fun. It can’t last our entire lives. Give your spouse what she or he needs. Start with those four; support, approval, companionship, and understanding.

If you have more to add to this list, do it in the comments. I will continue this conversation with you later. We all need to contemplate our strengths and weaknesses. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

©Copyright 2023 by Charles Kensinger