Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Have you heard of the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?” In his book, John Gray uses this phrase to denote that males and females are from different cultures. Sometimes I think that we take the whole opposite sex theme a little too far. I believe this is what causes some to decide that they were born the wrong sex.

I’m not going to write the book “Men are dogs and women are cats,” but this column will be part of the chapter by that name in my book “Douloi Marriage.” What I mean by this is that they are very different, even though they can cohabit the same space.

Cindy and I have had cats and dogs in our house together over the years. We all know the phrase “fighting like cats and dogs.” There is also the weather report “raining cats and dogs.” Dogs and cats are two of the most popular domesticated pets.

Right now, Essa, the cat, is asleep on Cindy’s lap, and Biscuit, the dog, is relaxing next to them on the couch. I am on my laptop on the other end. One big happy family. Dog and cat, man and woman, are getting along quite well.

How are these four different? Dogs are often raised gently with humans and get used to being trained and loved. Cats can be as well. Our dog is like this. Our cat came from the Humane Society and was a rescue that did not like people or our dog.

Several months of living with us have changed this. This is where I want to compare her adjustment to what needs to be done in a marriage. We gave her the space and time that she needed. For a couple of months, she hid most of the day. She came out to eat and went to the box.

Let’s relate this to how communication in a marriage should work. When we first marry, we come from different cultures and environments. We each have fears and expectations. I was raised in a two-parent home. We had our share of problems, but we overcame them. Cindy was from a single-parent home.

She also had never met her father or had a father figure, other than her oldest brother, around the house. She had no idea how a wife should react to her husband. I knew to duck when the wife threw dishes. That was something my mom had done.

Cindy did not cook. I did. I also had been trained by my mom to do laundry, clean house, and many other womanly chores. Cindy learned all these things and how to mow and work on remodeling jobs. She paints with a roller better than I, and I get to cut in around the ceilings.

The point I am trying to make is that you find each other’s strengths. Do not even look at the weaknesses. Find ways to work together. Do what you are good at and teach them if they wish to learn. Husbands and wives do not expect the other one to do what they do not wish to do. Share those chores together.

©Copyright 2025 by Charles Kensinger