Charles (Chuck) Kensinger

Have you been hearing all the things about love languages lately? There is a cereal commercial where a lady states that her love language is Portuguese when they say that this cereal is someone else’s love language. Then another guy is talking about insurance, and a woman says he is speaking her love language.

Let’s talk about what is meant by a love language. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The Five Love Languages in 1992.” The five things that he refers to as love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

It has become so popular that not only are they making fun of it, they are also mentioning it on talk shows, situation comedies, and I even saw an episode of “Blue Bloods” where they discussed it seriously. There have even been magazine articles that discussed the book.

I’ve read one of the many knockoffs that have been published to try to profit from an idea in a book that was just written to help couples. Dr. Chapman is a Christian counselor who is not motivated by money. As an author, I understand how the publishing industry works. One best sellers generates thousands of copycats hoping to score some bucks.

Look at the racks in any store. Which authors or topics are available where you shop? How many are alike? Have you watched when new movies and TV shows premiered? Does it occur to you that when someone has an idea that makes a lot of money, others try to catch their coattails?

Let’s talk about the real love languages Gary shows us. Words of affirmation are just speaking positively to the people you care about. Do not criticize them or call them names. Don’t do this to those you do not like, and not to someone you love.

Time is fleeting, and we all only have twenty-four hours in a day. When we were dating, I wanted as much time with Cindy as I could have. When I was away from her for ten weeks that first summer, I decided never to do that again, and I didn’t.

Receiving gifts does not have to be a new car or jewelry like the commercials tell you. Dr. Chapman explains that a single flower, or a note on the mirror, the pillow, or in the lunch bag, will say “I love you.”

If you’ve read my memoir, Doulos, you know that I am into being a servant. This is not my love language, but it is my ministry. In the book I am writing, “Douloi Marriage,” I give examples of why and how husbands and wives can and should be servants.

One thing I did when my wife was a stay-at-home mom was to cook on the weekends. Now I am the chief cook and bottle washer full-time and have been, since I retired and Cindy was still employed.

This last one can be a little tricky for some couples. We men often want to take the least touch from our wives, or that she will allow us to give to her as an invitation for sex. This is not what is meant by physical touch. It can be important to the person whose love language is touch, or it may not be.

A kiss, a hug, holding hands, an arm around them when you are sitting together, your head in their lap, or their head on your shoulder can be enough to express your love. Discover their love language and speak it often. Or use all five and see which they respond to the most.

©Copyright 2026 by Charles Kensinger